Frosty the Hitman

You know the song "Frosty the Snowman"? You may know it as a friendly tale of a snowman who comes to life and plays with little kids. But if we look at the lyrics, there is certainly something else going on. He's a criminal, plain and simple, who is trying to corrupt the children. Don't believe me? Let's go to the text.

Frosty the Snowman
Knew the sun was hot that day
So he said let's run
And we'll have some fun
Now before I melt away

Translation: Frosty, the "Snowman" as he is known on the streets, has recently broken out of jail. With the police hot in pursuit, he wants to "have some fun", i.e. commit crimes, before the cops catch up with him.

Down to the village
With a broomstick in his hand
Running here and there all around the square
Saying catch me if you can!

Translation: Frosty carries a "broomstick" i.e. is packing heat, and goes into town to wreak havoc. He hits up a bank, then taunts the police as he makes his getaway, saying "Catch me if you can, coppers!!!"

He led them down the streets of town
Right to the traffic cop
And he only paused a moment when
He heard him holler, "Stop!"

Translation: He accidentally runs into a traffic cop who tries to arrest him, but Frosty flees police pursuit.

Frosty the Snowman
Had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye
Saying don't you cry
I'll be back again some day

Translation: Frosty hightails it out of town with the police hot on his tail, tells the kids he has to lay low for a while, he'll be back after statute of limitations expires.

Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty go

Translation: The children watch as their "friend" abandons them. Frosty speeds off with a line of police cars following him.

What a happy Christmas tale!