Wednesday, October 31, 2007


For those of you who don't know, today is Halloween. (Who doesn't know today is Halloween? They must be confused as heck when they see people walking around dressed as gorillas and demons and Groucho Marx.) And everyone loves Halloween because you get candy. Now, I am not here to judge the people who give less than delicious candy to the loyal trick or treaters, but I would say that I am a little bit perplexed. When you walk into your local supermarket, what do you see? Snickers, Kit Kats, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Crunch Bars, Milky Ways. The standard yummy candy. So what I want to know, is how do you even FIND a store that sells Charleston Chews? It is really worth the effort? Just give us a Snickers and we will be happy. As opposed to perplexed.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Candy From Strangers

You know how parents always say, "Don't take candy from strangers?" Well, since Halloween is all about taking candy from strangers, it got me thinking. And I've decided that I won't say that to my kids. Instead, I will tell them, "Don't eat candy from strangers; bring it to me to inspect." That way, if it is dangerous, like it's poisoned or drugged or something, I would have saved them from harm. And if it's not, hey free candy.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Mash Good

Halloween is only 2 days away, and I have still yet to hear "The Monster Mash" on the radio. This is unacceptable. So I propose that the radio stations draw lots and the winner must play "The Monster Mash" 24 hours a day for the entire month of October. Come to think of it, they should play it year round.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Name Time

In yesterday's post, Johnny said he wished his name were John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. So going along with that, here's this week's Game Time question:

If you had to change your name to something ridiculous, what name would you choose?

As usual, post your answers in the comments and feel free to provide as much explanation as you want.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Da da da da da da da

I kinda wish my name were John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. That way, whenever I went anywhere, people would always shout out my name. On second thought, that would be pretty annoying. Never mind.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Wrong Number?

You know how people sometimes say, "I'm sorry, you dialed the wrong number"? I like to respond, "No, buddy! You picked up the wrong phone!" And then I slam the phone to hang up.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


What's the deal with unicorns? I get the uni- part: they've got one. But corn? They don't have any corn. They've got a horn. One horn. So they should be called unihorns. Or monohorns. Or knightless jousters.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Re: potions

Ever had the awkward situation where you are reading an email and someone says, "Here are your potions," and you think, "Ha ha, yes, yes! My potions! Yes, with these potions I can control the world! Ha ha, yes!" And then you realize that it was a typo, and he meant to say, "Here are your options"?

Me neither.

Friday, October 19, 2007


A while back, Mike wrote a post about having a state named after him, and he called it "Mikeland." That's right, Mikeland. To quote the Reluctant Dragon, "Not very good, is it?"

For the first edition of our new section, Game Time, we at the Pake Shlake Band are giving everybody a chance to do better.

If you got to name a state, what would you call it?

For those of you visiting from outside the U.S., replace the word "state" with "province," "district," "county," "ward," or "what-have-you."

So post your answers to that question, and the best answer might just get a shoutout on Monday. But don't hold your breath. Unless you are in a particularly stinky room, then by all means, hold away.

What Time Is It?

Hello, again.

As you may know, we at the Pake Shlake Band don't post over the weekend since we disapprove of working on weekends. In fact, we disapprove of working during the week as well, but since society dictates it, we usually turn a blind eye. And a cold shoulder. And a few heads. And a ... next paragraph!

Anyway, since we know how much you love our site, we've begun a new section here at Game Time. The way it works is, we'll be putting out fun things to do every Friday, and you, the reader, will get to play along. Basically, we'll pose some sort of question, and whoever wants to can throw out their answer in the comments. And if you think of a new answer over the weekend, post another comment; it's the gift that keeps on giving. (I thought that was fruitcake). (Or the plague).

So check out the new stuff, post your responses in the comments, and check back on Monday to read everyone's responses. It should be pretty fun.

(P.S. And to answer the title of this post, it's 2:19.)

Thursday, October 18, 2007

If a tree falls in a forest...

If a tree falls in a forest with no one to hear it, does it make a sound? Of course not. What's it gonna say, "Oof. Who put that there? I hope nobody saw me because that would be really embarrassing. Whew, coast looks clear."?

Trees don't talk.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

German Lesson

I like the word Kindergarten. It comes from the German, meaning "Child Garden."

I think we should refer to all of our grade levels in the original German. Like, we would call third grade, "Drittergrad," and we would call Senior year of high school, "DieBundasWasteofTimegrad."

Come to think of it, I did call it that.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


Ever wonder why it's called "Double-u" instead of "Double-v"? Yeah, me too, when I was like 7.

Monday, October 15, 2007

To Jimmy

This post goes out to Jimmy. I know that a lot of people say they don't care, but I say don't listen to them. Keep cracking that corn.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Polf Shirts

Is there a difference between polo shirts and golf shirts? Because if there isn't, then they should just stick with one sport. And then make all those athletes figure out how to play it. How hard can it be, just get on the stupid horse.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

New Glory

I was looking at an American Flag today and realized that it used to look a lot cooler when it had 49 stars. 7 by 7. Beautiful. So, all we as a nation have to do is trim our state count down by one, so we can have an aesthetically pleasing flag. This is an easy task. New GloryAll you need to do is combine North and South Dakota, call it Dakota, and North and South Carolina, and call it Carolina. They do that anyway.

Why did I combine 2 states, you ask? Well, the new state of Mikeland will have to be created to thank the genius who developed this plan. It'll be in Southern California.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Family Ties

When I was little, I decided that I would name my kids Ben, Sam, and Jemima.  That way, somewhere down the line, there would be an Uncle Ben, an Uncle Sam, and an Aunt Jemima in my family.  Now that I'm older, I'm kinda upset that my parents didn't think of that first.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

For the Birds

The other day, I was walking along the sidewalk, and I accidentally kicked a pigeon. I kept walking until I realized, I just kicked a pigeon. What's the deal, pigeon? How come you let me kick you? He didn't even fly away. He just moved a little bit and looked at me like, "Whoa, there! Watch where you're going!" No, buddy, you're the one who can fly! Dumb pigeon.

Monday, October 8, 2007


Welcome to, the home of the Pake Shlake Band.

Now, we know what you're thinking. Who the heck is the Pake Shlake Band? Well, we are, of course. But besides that, all you need to know is that we have a fun website.

Check back, and you won't be disappointed.

Or you will be. We're not making any promises.