Tuesday, March 31, 2009

M to the Izz-arriage Counselor

Hey, did you know that Jay-Z and Beyonce are married? Isn't it kind of weird that all of Beyonce's songs are like, "Hey, my boyfriend stinks, I hate him, I'm gonna leave him" and all of Jay-Z's songs are like, "Oh I'm a player, I sleep around, I don't love anyone"? Um, yeah, maybe you two need to talk.

Monday, March 30, 2009

How Chuck got into the game show business

Do you think Chuck Woolery has a cousin name Tom Foolery? Because I know all cousins have to have similar sounding last names.

Friday, March 27, 2009


Hello, again. It's Friday, and it's time for another Game Time!

Last week, we asked to think of a headline for an article about President Obama's recent media tour. Apparently, that was a difficult task, because not too many people played. But, we will still pick a winner.

Meg's headline was funny, but Tony's was funnier. So he wins. Congrats! Let's keep this short and sweet. Onward!

A few weeks ago, we played a Bests and Worsts where we asked you to think of the worst nickname for a pilot. Remember? No? Oh. Well, we did. Anyway, we at the Pake Shlake Band are always trying to think of new and fun games, and we are pretty successful at doing at least half of that. So, we are trying out a new PSB Original game called Nicknames. The rules may change, the name may change, but the general premise is this: We give you a person, you think of a nickname for that person. Simple enough, right? For example, if we gave Jon Bon Jovi, you could give the nickname Mr. Jovi-ality. Get it? Joviality? Jovi-ality? Anyway, let's play.

Give a nickname for Jon Bon Jovi.

Ours is Mr. Jovi-ality. Get it? Joviality? Jovi-ality? Anyway, now its your turn. Post your nickname in the comments.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Fast Food Edition of Random Snippets

What does a Snrog say? Snippet. Snippet.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Ever heard of him?

So I sat down to write this post, and almost instantaneously, the thought "Fibonacci - ever heard of him?" popped into my mind. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I do have a mind. And it's full of nonsense.

Anyway, so I decided, "I'll write a post about Fibonacci, and then I'll end it by saying, 'Fibonacci - ever heard of him?'"

So then I was thinking about ol' Fibby, and I couldn't think of much to say. So I looked him up on the source of all my knowledge.

Turns out, his name wasn't Fibonacci.

And he didn't come up with the Fibonacci Sequence.

Fibonacci - ever heard of him?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Monday, March 23, 2009

Unattended Baggage

I was recently at an airport, and as I was checking in, they played an announcement over the speaker that said, "Please report any unattended baggage to security." Right then, the person at the check-in counter took my bag and put it on the belt. "There it goes!" I yelled.

Friday, March 20, 2009

March Madness Game Time

It's March, it's mad, and it's Game Time.

Last week, we played a round of the PSB Original Game Bests and Worsts where we asked everyone for the worst question to ask a potential employer during a job interview. The answers came in, and it's time to go over them.

First, we asked, "Do you guys have Naked Fridays?" Come to think of it, that's actually a great question to ask during an interview. You definitely should have that information before showing up on your first Friday.

Then, Tony posed a question about cannibalism in the work place. Again, you just gotta know that before signing any paperwork. That's a dealbreaker right there.

Elizabeth thought it would be a bad idea to suggest going out for a drink after the interview. You know, she's right. What would happen if the guy was an alcoholic? Everything's going great, "Oh my gosh, I would so choose to be a lion too", you're wheeling and dealing, and then you throw in a little, "Wanna go grab a beer?", and then all of a sudden, BUZZAMO, you've hit a sore spot - no job for you. Horrible situation.

Then Ben gave us a strange question about pants, and since it's too long to re-post here, we're just gonna give up on going over your answers, and we'll jump straight to the winner.

Nick wins with his question, "You don’t really expect me to do any work, do you?" Indeed, that's a horrible question to ask during an interview. You gotta wait until you've worked there at least 6 months to pull that one out. So congratulations, Nick. His question was the best answer to the Bests and Worsts question asking for the worst question. Any questions?

Yes? Oh, you want to know what this week's game is. Here it is:

We're switching away from the PSB Original Game Bests and Worsts to play another round of the PSB Original Game Headliners. You remember how to play: we give you a news article, you give us the best headline. Here's the synopsis:

President Barack Obama appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on Thursday. It marked the first time a sitting President has ever been on a late night talk show. Earlier in the week, Obama had been on ESPN's SportsCenter discussing his NCAA Tournament picks.

And our headline:
Obama Appears on Leno, Caricaturists Drool

Now it's your turn. Put on your newspaper hats (preferably a sailor one), and post your headline in the comments.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Buses and Trucks

You know how on the back of buses and trucks, it has the picture of said bus or truck turning right and smashing the poor car? And then it says:

Caution! This Vehicle Makes Wide Turns.

It's as if to say, "If I smash you it's not my fault, because I warned you." But if you look closely at the picture, the truck is turning from the left lane. So, as it turns out, trucks are just looking for an excuse to smash me.

OK, buddy, why not just be honest about it? How's this: Maybe the sign should say:

Makes right hand turns from left lane with no warning in the hopes of smashing you. That's right, YOU!

Now that's a disclaimer I can agree with.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Another chat, Another dream

I've chatted before, and I've chatted before. And now, I chat again.

Shlakes: hey man
Mister Terrace: hey dude
what's up/

Shlakes: not much.
haven't talked to you in a while

Mister Terrace: yeah i know
Shlakes: could you do me a little favor?
Mister Terrace: absolutely
what is it?

Shlakes: name your first child Harris
Mister Terrace: hmm
Shlakes: that way his name would be Harris Terrace!
Mister Terrace: yeah
and if it's a girl, you'd want me to go with Paris, right?

Shlakes: why would you do a silly thing like that?
dude, you should probably talk to the missus first

And that's all she wrote. Except we're both dudes.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Flight Problem

I don't understand how airplanes can fly. I mean, shouldn't they bounce back when they hit the first cloud?

They must have some sort of scissors attached to the front or something.

Friday, March 13, 2009

The Worst Interview

Friday = Game Time. Today = Friday. Game Time = Today. Today = Game Time.

(How do did you like our uses of the transitive and commutative properties?)

Let's start up with going over the answers from last week and naming a winner. Last Friday ( = Last Game Time), we played a round of the PSB Original Game Bests and Worsts where we asked for the worst nickname for an airplane pilot. Here's how it went down (the answers, not the plane):

Meg said Vertigo, which was a cool nickname, and definitely a bad nickname for a pilot. You don't want your fearless leader to feel like he's spinning out of control before he starts spinning out of control.

Max said Snakes, which was also a cool nickname, and of course, nobody likes Snakes on a Plane, especially not this guy.

Meg L. said Cotton Eye Joe, which was a pretty good one. I wouldn't want Cotton Eye Joe flying my plane.

Where did he come from? Where did he go? I forgot to check the flight schedule!!

Anyway, Meg loses for two reasons. One, she's the second Meg and you all know the saying, two Megs are better than one. No, that's not it. No Megs is good Megs. Nope. Okay, so maybe there's no good saying about Megs, but she also loses because her nickname was more than one word, and that broke the trend. And you all know that saying: Break the trend, lose the game.

We're getting tired of going over losing answers, so we're jumping straight to the winner. david [sic] wins for his answer "how about joe 'the plumber' because plumbers dont fly planes… usually… or better yet, joe 'the plummeter'" [sicker]

That answer wins because it sounds like something we'd say. But, that doesn't give you all free reign to sound like us. That reign will cost you.

And now on to this week's game!

This week, we both talked about what not to say during a job interview. That gave us a brilliant idea for a new game. And yes, it will be another round of the PSB Original Game Bests and Worsts. (You may be wondering why we always call it the PSB Original Game. Stop wondering. Start awe-ing.)

Worst question to ask your potential employer during a job interview.

Ooh that's a good one. We're in awe of whoever came up with that question. Here's our answer, which really is a question, much like Jeopardy, except minus pompous Canadian.

"Do you guys have Naked Fridays?"

Now it's your turn. Play.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Cup Needles

Have you ever seen the Cup Noodles in the grocery store? They are microwavable noodles, but if you aren't paying attention, the label looks like it says Cup Needles. But, by now people recognize the container and buy it anyway.

So, my plan is to make a product called Cup Needles, make a label that looks similar, and sell it in the same store right next to it. Then, people will buy mine by accident and when they get home they will be confused since they will have a cup full of needles instead of noodles. But by then, it will be too late! So long, suckers! I'll laugh all the way to the bank.

Oh, and I would sell them at a store that doesn't have a return policy.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Smell It Edition of Random Snippets

More random snippets!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

More Interview Advice

Yesterday, Mike gave people looking for a job some sound advice when interviewing: Don't tell the interviewer, "Say it, don't spray it."

That got me thinking. You should probably steer clear of all quaint expressions that rhyme. For example, don't tell the interviewer, "Well, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away" or "Liar, liar, pants on fire" or "Hey, whoever smelt it dealt it."

And for your information, I have no clue why the Pake Shlake Band has taken on giving you career advice. But I'd just like to say in advance, you're welcome.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Interview Advice

Here is some good advice. If you are applying for a job, you might have a face-to-face interview with someone. They will ask you some questions. Here is my advice: Do not start the answer to a question like this: "Hey, man! Say it, don't spray it!"

Friday, March 6, 2009

Pilot Problems

It's time once again for Pigs in Spaaaace!! No, no, no. Time for Game Time! Let's talk about last week's game and pick out a winner.

So last week we played Headliners and everybody had to come up with a good headline about the Academy Awards.

First, we want to give a shout out to Luca for his answer, "'Millionaire,' 'Milk' Make Movie Magic." You see, we at the Pake Shlake Band haven't exactly figured out the best way to play this game. Sometimes we think the headlines should be funny, sometimes they should be potential real headlines. And, while Luca's answer doesn't exactly fit either, we thought it brought up a good point to think about, so we mentioned it. Gracias. But it still loses.

We tried to figure out what Elizabeth's headline was supposed to mean. After about two minutes, we gave up and decided it shouldn't win. Maybe it was clever, but if it takes two minutes to figure out if it's clever, then it's not that clever.

Max's headline was enjoyable: "Slumdog Wins 8 Awards, What Is This Bollywood?" but we thought it should have read: "Slumdog Wins 8 Awards, What Is This? Bollywood?" and then that might have won. Or maybe "Slumdog Wins 8 Awards, What Is This? Bollywood!" But probably not.

Jess was on the right track with her play on words, "Kate WONSlet?," but we thought 1. Caps Lock was overkill. 2. It should be spelled WONslet not WONSlet. 3. We only have two reasons.

So, after much analysis, the winner is Tony! His headline was "Joker Gets Last Laugh". He had a subheadline, but it wasn't too funny, so we are going to pretend he didn't write it. This wins for the reason we mentioned earlier. It's not laugh out loud funny, but it is a clever title that you could imagine being in a newspaper of good repute, like the New York Post. (We said good repute.) Sorry, we meant a newspaper of repute. Anyway, congratulations, Tony! (What's with the NY Post bashing?) Sorry, we meant a newspaper that might be good, but nobody reads it. (Hmm)

Now, onto this week! We wanted to bring back another PSB Original Game - this time Bests and Worsts. You know how to play; just come up with the best or worst whatever as described in the bolded section below. Here it is:

Worst nickname for an airplane pilot.

Hmm, worst nickname for an airplane pilot, huh? That's a tough one. Hmm... Oooh. The PSB is going to go with "Parachute Pat." We wouldn't want our pilot jumping ship on us.

Whatchoo got? Commenticate.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

I Have a Reason

I can think of a reason to give Johnny five dollars: So he can pay me back the 50 bucks he owes. That's right, bucko! I haven't forgotten!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

New Game

Hey everybody, I got a good idea for a new game. Everyone has to come up with 3 good reasons to give me $5.00. Then everybody picks their favorite reason, and I tell you how you can reach me. Wanna play? The bank is open.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Body Adjustments

You know when it's hot out, our body makes adjustments to try to regulate our temperature, right? We sweat, and this cools us down so we are not so hot anymore. Pretty clever, right?

Well, how come when it's winter time, our body doesn't make a similar adjustment to keep us warm? When we go outside when it's cold, what does the body do? It makes your nose run. What? That doesn't keep you warm at all. Maybe the body gets the "Keep me warm" message confused with the "Make me talk funny and have a gross face" message.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Neck of the Woods

I was talking with somebody and he said he knew a whole bunch of people from my neck of the woods. What does that even mean? I don't live in the woods. And woods don't have heads, much less necks.

He must have had me confused with someone else. Someone who lives in the neck of some forest.