Friday, May 30, 2008
Anyway, since we talked a lot about stories this week (the story's coming, the story's here, here's a completely different and unwanted story), we decided we'd let you all have a turn. And we're gonna have a Memorial Day theme.
Tell us a story about summers.
That's it. Just tell us a story about summers: last summer, this upcoming summer, summers of yore, summers of my, whatever summer you want. Here's ours:
Once upon a time there was a man. And he was cool. And he hosted a television show with Gak. Then he went to the Food Network. He's significantly less cool now.
Yes, that story was about Mark Summers. Yes, that has nothing to do with Memorial Day, as it turns out. But that's not the point. The point? Tell us a story. In the comments of course.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Once upon a time there was a guy. And his name was ... Jim. And he ... had ... ... arms. Two of them. And he had legs. ... Also two of them. And then one day ... he walked somewhere ... on those legs, of course. And clapped. The end.
I'm not very good at coming up with stories on the spot.
(But stories about super heroes and toxic pizza are one of the things that the Pake Shlake Band does best.)
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
"Um, so we save the pizza?" Mike asked.
"Yes," Johnny replied.
"And we don't eat it?"
"And we don't throw it away?"
"And we eat it later?"
"Yes. Wait, no! Well, yes I guess. But much later. When we know what it does."
"OK, " Mike said. "But what about the unfinished pieces?"
"Throw those out," Johnny said, putting them in the empty pizza box.
"You want to take out the trash? It's raining."
"I'll time you," Johnny offered.
"Johnny, how old do you think I am? 8?"
"On your mark, get set, GO!"
Mike grabbed the pizza box and ran out the door, almost instantaneously he was back.
"Whoa, that was fast."
"Did I break my record?"
"Um, yeah, maybe we have more powers than we thought."
And less trivial ones, too.
"Did the narrator just knock our powers?" Mike asked.
"Sounded like it." Johnny said. The narrator smirked, knowing that the two could not come up with a clever retort as the chapter was over.
As you know, we at the Pake Shlake Band do not approve of working over the weekend. In fact, we do not approve of working at all, but especially not on the weekend, and especially not long weekends. What is the point of a long weekend if you have to work during it? Then they might as well call it a long workend. But, fortunately, they don't, so we don't. Work on weekends, that is.
As a few of you noticed, we may or may not have forgotten to put up a Story Time last week. And, seeing as yesterday was a Monday that was part of a long weekend, it seemed like you might have to miss out on the next chapter of the story for two weeks in a row. But, we felt this would not be fair. An injustice, so to speak. So, in order to prevent that injustice, we are having a rare Tuesday showing of our Story Time. We know, it's hard to believe, but to ensure we provide you with quality humor, we at the Pake Shlake Band will do whatever it takes. Well, except work on weekends.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Anyway, earlier this week, Johnny told us that jokes are overrated (and that Story Time is easy to forget about.) So, in our never-ending mission to make life more jovial, we are trying to un-overrate jokes, with your help.
Think of a better punchline to the following joke.
How does the prisoner call home?
The real answer is: With his cell phone.
Our new answer: With the one phone call he can make before being thrown in jail.
What is your answer?
Thursday, May 22, 2008
I didn't say it was a good theory.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Anyway, since the Preakness is tomorrow, we decided to go back to the horse racing theme. A couple weeks back we asked e'erbody about racehorse names. Nobody won that game because we didn't feel like picking anybody. But that's all gonna change.
Which of the silly-named horses would win the Preakness?
If you didn't like any of the other names, come up with your own and say why he or she would win or lose the Preakness or Belmont Stakes. Wow, there's a lot of words in that thar sentence.
Anyway, have fun with it; that's what games are for, right?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Man: Hey, I got a B- on my exam!
Me: Oh. Congratulation!
Man: Um, don't you mean 'Congratulations'?
Me: No, that accomplishment is not worthy of multiple congratulations. You only get one.
Me: Sorry, buddy. Work harder, next time.
Man: Well, bye, I guess.
Me: See ya!
Monday, May 12, 2008
"Fiiiine, " Mike said, sounding disappointed. "I guess we can throw it out."
"Mike, it's toxic!"
"I know, " Mike said. "But maybe we should save some, in case we want more powers. Like laser vision!"
"Why do you want laser vision, isn't hat power enough?"
"Yeah, but with laser vision, I can heat up my cold leftover pizza."
"But, you can't get laser vision until you eat the cold leftover pizza," Johnny replied.
"What cruel irony!!"
"Anyway, " Johnny continued, "You make a good point."
"About laser vision?"
"No, about maybe needing this pizza later on, maybe to someday get rid of our powers when we understand what has happened to us."
"Why would we want to get rid of these powers? They're great!" Mike was now wearing a sombrero.
"Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: 'With great power comes great responsibility.' This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm Spider-man."
"Whoa, you can quote movies too?"
"No, no, I just know that quote."
Friday, May 9, 2008
Earlier this week, Johnny outlined an idea for a new television show starring Francis the donkey and a chihuahua lady friend. After much deliberation, we decided the show should be a reality series, which led to the natural question:
Who should be the host of the new reality series Donk of Love?
After little deliberation, we came up with the obvious answer of Cap'n Crunch. Who do you think should host? Winner gets a shout-out. Usually.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
But, the real interesting part is that the Mexicans and the Irish have holidays that share the same day of the week. Oh, dear. That was the real interesting part? That's not interesting at all. Now, I'm disappointed in myself. (And justifiably so, if I may add.) You may. (Justifiably disappointed.)
Monday, May 5, 2008
"Be serious now," Johnny said. "What should we do with the rest of the pizza? It's clearly toxic."
"Eat it. I guess," Mike suggested. "Mom always said to finish your dinner."
"Dude, its poisoned! Mom also said 'Don't eat poison.'"
"Did Mom really say that?"
"Choo better believe it."
"Oh, ok." Mike then gasped suddenly. "Uh oh, it seems like we have a dilemma. What are we supposed to do when two of Mom's doctrines are in conflict? It's like when we had to decide which took precedence: 'Whoever smelt it, dealt it' or 'Whoever denied it, supplied it.'"
"Yeah, well, they are both easy. The answer to that one is always "Mike did it," and the answer to this one is, 'Don't eat poison.'"
Friday, May 2, 2008
Ole Mother Earth
Went to the hearth
to fetch her poor dog a bone
But it was covered in soot
and smog to boot,
so instead the dog got an ice cream cone.
We particularly liked the poor rhyme with soot and boot. Much like Mother Hubbard's bone and none.
Alright, anyway, tomorrow is the Kentucky Derby, and for those of you who don't know, that means horses with silly names run around a track and people in silly hats cheer and guys with silly voices talk about the event at subatomic speeds. (Are subatoms fast?)
So since this site is all about silliness, we are huge fans of the Kentucky Derby. And we thought of this question:
What silly name would you give to your race horse?
For us, we would probably name him "Rob Ot" and teach him how to run all herky jerky and paint him a dapple gray. That way, if he won, people would think he cheated since robot horses aren't allowed to participate in the Kentucky Derby.
What about you?