Thursday, December 31, 2009

It's Almost 2010, Baby!

You know how some people say, "Wow, I can't believe it's almost 2010. I'm still getting used to writing 2009 on my checks." I think a good response to this is, "You still write checks? Pay your bills online, baby!"

Then they will say, "Don't call me baby!"

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Pucc It Up

From now on, I'm gonna take Mike's advice, and call mid-October "Explorer season."

It'll go over well with the Knights of Vespucci order I'm in charge of.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Christmas is Christmas

So I was watching TV on December 25th, and someone said, "Wishing all of you out there happy holidays!"

No. That is wrong. It's Christmas. You say "Merry Christmas" on Christmas.

That's like if on Columbus Day, someone said, "I hope everyone is enjoying the Explorer season!" Sorry, Vespucci, today is Columbus Day, you say "Happy Columbus Day." And on Christmas you say "Merry Christmas." The End.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Christmas Radio Stations

You know those radio stations that play Christmas music non-stop from like November 1st? I loved how they ended it.

One of the stations decided to keep playing Christmas tunes throughout the weekend, so the people who hadn't had enough could still listen to Trans-Siberian Orchestra on December 27th.

Another station quickly dropped the holiday music Friday morning. Who needs to hear Christmas songs on Christmas? That's what Thanksgiving's for! Instead, they started counting down the best songs of 2009, and somehow, Bing Crosby didn't make the list.

But my favorite was the station that played Christmas music all the way through the night of December 25. Then first thing on Boxing day, they started playing "The Monster Mash."

Friday, December 25, 2009

Happy Christmas!

Hello, again, and a Merry Christmas! You may have noticed that we at the Pake Shlake Band haven't posted much this week. Well, there are three reasons. 1. It snowed and it clogged up the internet roads. 2. Today is Christmas, and we had to get presents and things of the holiday nature. And 3. We're lazy.

Maybe the third reason is the most responsible, but at least we have two other reasons that we can use as an excuse. If you are really in need of some shlakeness, play the Game Time again. Or for the first time.

Anyway, we'd like to wish all of you a Happy Christmas, and we'll get back to our regularly scheduled tomfoolery next week.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Closed Due to Snow

For those of you who don't know, it snowed a lot on the East Coast this weekend. And, in Washington DC, when it snows, everything is shut down. Including blogs. Sorry, that's how we roll. Hopefully, by tomorrow they will have plowed the information superhighway that is the internet. Otherwise, we might not be able to post then, either. Sorry for the inconvenience. But not that sorry.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Weird Lyrics

Deck the halls with boughs of Game Time! Fa la la la la, etc.

Last Week's Winner

To get all of our fans in the Holiday spirit, we asked you to mash up two Christmas songs to form a new one. We got a lot of good responses, let's take a look at some of them.

First, Tony started us off with a good mashup - “I saw Mamma kissing Dominic the Donkey” about an Italian woman and the family burro. Too much uovo-nog, perhaps?

Luca, big A and Lorenzo all had some fine answers ranging from "Deck the Snowman!" to "Rudolph the Red Christmas Song" to "God Rest Ye Chipmunk," all of which came with their own stories describing the basic gists of the songs.

Russ one-upped them by providing not only the story of his new Christmas tune, but also providing a detailed description of the music video to his "We Three Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire". Unfortunately, that only earned Russ a silver medal.

Because the winner is... DBeck, a new reader who is showing up all over the Pake Shlake Band blogs, thanks to his recent commenting over at

Here was DBeck's answer:
“Grandma Got Run Over by the Little Drummer Boy”

Set to a polka, this song depicts the poor little drummer boy, late to play his gig for baby Jesus and ill-equipped to be driving due to his age, running over Grandma as she walked home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there’s no such thing as underaged percussionists driving over the elderly, but as for me and Grandpa we believe

We expect to hear that on the radio before the Holiday season is over. Or else it will be a Pake Shlake Band original song by next year.

This Week's Game

We had a Christmas theme going this week, three different posts talking about odd holiday lyrics. And one post about Obama. So, we thought we would revisit that theme in our Game Time:

What is the weirdest lyric in a Christmas song?

We are gonna go with the old classic, Frosty the Snowman. Look at the lyrics, you'll know what we mean.

Now it's your turn. We ask that you not repeat any of the ones we've already used. You can use the same song if you want, but pick a different lyric. Now, play!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

How Bizarre

The other day, Mike talked about the strange lyrics in "Winter Wonderland." Then I talked about the strange lyrics in "Silver Bells."

Well, as it turns out, one year ago today, I talked about the strange lyrics in "Here Comes Santa Claus." And then we played a Game Time game where everybody nominated their favorite strange Christmas lyrics. So today, I think it's a good time for a...FLAAAASHBAAAAACK.

Johnny on "Here Comes Santa Claus"

You know the song, “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”? Of course you do, how silly of me. Anyway, here’s the thing. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, right? So when he makes that list, why does he have to find out who’s naughty or nice? He should already know. Unless there’s some sort of exchange rate between bads and naughties that I don’t know about.

Commenter Tony on the "12 Days of Christmas"

12 Days of Christmas, pretty much any day except 5 Gold Rings.

These are gifts?
8 Maids a-milking – I’d prefer 8 maids a-cleaning, now that’s a gift
9 Ladies dancing – mail order brides?
10 Lords a-leaping – excuse me?

Commenter Zo on "The Christmas Song"

I don’t know what they say in ‘The Christmas Song’ after “…and every mother’s child ___________ to see if reindeer really know how to fly…”

-is gonna try
-is on the sly
-has gone to spy
-has got their pie
-is gone awry

Nat King Cole has the coolest, clearest, most enunciating voice ever, someone must have given him a marshmallow or something during that part.

Commenter Max on "Up on the Housetop"

Up on the housetop. Why does the boy get weapons instead of toys? Hammer and tacks, baseball bats, and whips sound like a nasty combination.

Commenter Emily on "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"

For me it is the entire song “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” I mean, why is it okay that Santa is a home-wrecker in that song? And why would Daddy laugh if he saw Mommy kissing a stranger in the middle of the night in the family home? I think some other response would be more natural. There is something wrong with that song.

Commenter Elizabeth on "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)"

In the beginning to “Happy Christmas (War Is Over)” it has Yoko saying “Happy Christmas Yoko” and then John says “Happy Christmas John”…..why are they wishing themselves a merry christmas? That is just rude.

Turns out, Emily won that Game Time with the whole Mommy smooching St. Nick thing. That's just weird.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Silver Bells

Since Mike started talking about Christmas songs, I'm gonna follow suit.

You know the song "Silver Bells?" Here are some lyrics:

Strings of street lights,
Even stop lights,
Blink a bright red and green

Wait a second. You're saying stop lights are red and green? WOW!! Everyone really decorates for Christmas.

Hey look they put up Christmas trees in the forest!

And wow all the radio towers have these blinking red lights on top!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Needy Wonderland

You know the Christmas song "Winter Wonderland"? It's a classic holiday tune, but listen to the first line:

Sleigh bells ring. Are you listening?

Sounds like the singer has some confidence issues. Maybe the first verse should go like this:

Sleigh bells ring. Are you listening?
In the lane. Pay attention to me!
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight.
I'm talking, can you look at me?

And if that weren't proof enough, remember when he builds the snowmen?

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
And pretend that he is Parson Brown.
He'll say, "Are you married?" We'll say, "No, man."
"But you can do the job when you're in town."

What kind of loser builds a snowman and pretends it's a reverend? Who then makes him feel guilty for being single? And the next one:

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
And pretend that he's a circus clown.
We'll have lots of fun with Mr. Snowman,
Until the other kiddies knock him down.

What type of person anticipates other kids destroying his snowman? A needy loser, that's who.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Christmas Mash-Ups

It's beginning to look a lot like Game Time!

Last Week's Winner

Last week, we played the PSB Original Game Little-Known Facts. Well, a few people played. Not many. It was kind of boring. We'll declare Tony the winner since he was the first to respond.

We would wish Tony congratulations, but his win was not based on merit, and merit-less wins are hollow. Like tree trunks. Or swim trunks. Anyway, non-congratulations to Tony, a nod to Lorenzo, and a shake of the fist to the rest of you.

This Week's Game

We are rapidly approaching Christmas, and as you may have noticed, holiday carols are filling the airwaves. And have been for about a month now.

A few Christmases ago, we asked you about an odd duet for a Christmas carol. This year, we are asking you a similar type of mash-up:

Combine two Christmas songs into one and describe what it is about.

We would combine "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" and "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" to get "Santa Claus is Coming for My Two Front Teeth," a song about an elf who owes Santa money, can't pay, and is now fearing retaliation. A classic Christmas/Mobster tune.

Your turn. Mash it up!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


While we're writing a letter to Mother Nature, I'd like to add something. (You know I'm very much against wasting stamps. I intend to make my forever stamps true to their name.)

If we could add a little postscript action to that letter, here is what I would like it to say:


Have you ever thought of coming up with any new kinds of precipitation? My vote would be for ice cream.

And you could call it a really goofy name so the weathermen would always feel silly when they have to give the forecast. "Tomorrow, expect heavy amounts of Tooty Frooty Droppy Ploppies. The last time it Tooty Frooty Droppy Plopped this badly, schools had to be delayed for fear of excessive shoving in the playground."

You can come up with your own name though. Tooty Frooty Droppy Ploppying was just a suggestion.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Open Letter

Does anyone else get a little upset that its 20 degrees outside, there's snow on the ground, and yet somehow winter doesn't start for another two weeks? I'm thinking we should take this complaint straight to the top, with an open letter.

Dear Mother Nature,

Hello. Sorry I haven't written in a while, I have been kind of busy.

How is everything? How's work? Actually, that's what I'm writing about. I know that you have been doing this stuff a long time, longer than I've been around, and I respect that.

But, I think sometimes you can be a little old-fashioned. I understand that in the old days, the solstice was when you decided we should start winter. But there's snow on the ground, Mom! It's coooold! There is no way this is autumn! All the leaves have already fallen! It's winter, whether your solstice is here or not!

So, I think you should call this winter, and forget the old ways. Join the new millennium. Ok, that's all. Give Father Time my best.

Your Son,

Monday, December 7, 2009

Rocket Science

You know how some people say "It's not rocket science" when they're talking about something that shouldn't be too complicated? I don't get it. Is rocket science supposed to be that difficult?

You light the fuse, the thing goes up. End of story.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Black Friday Facts

'Tis the season to play Game Time! Fa la la la la la la la la!

Last Week's Winner

There is no winner from last week, primarily because there was no Game Time last week. Last Friday was the day after Thanksgiving, and you know how that is: Shopping, sleeping, lounging around the house. So we were too busy to post. But, there was a Game Time two weeks ago, so we could probably still pick a winner for that one.

Two Weeks Ago's Winner

Two weeks ago, we played the PSB Original Game Bests and Worsts, and asked for a person with the best name-appropriate occupation. We were thinking of picking Joey Bag of Donuts as our winner, but then he demanded victory, at which point we said, "No way, Jose!" which is appropriate since Jose is Joseph in espanol. Anyway, he doesn't win for the simple reason that he said he should, which was probably true anyway.

That means Elizabeth is the winner! She snuck in under the wire, posting yesterday, which was theoretically six days late. So, you posted late and would have lost if Joey hadn't been rude. But you somehow managed to win anyway! That's the true definition of a champion! Well done.

This Week's Game

Well, it's after Thanksgiving, which means the Christmas season is upon us! Last Friday was "Black Friday," the unofficial kickoff for holiday shopping. We would have posted about it last week, but we were to busy shopping, sleeping, lounging, you know how it is. But, the point is the holiday season is upon us, and what better way to kick of the holidays than with a Game Time?

We at the Pake Shlake Band have our fair share of PSB Original Games, in fact, we have a monopoly on PSB Original Games. If you know anyone else who has PSB Original Games, report them to the authorities. Or us. We'll take care of them. Heh heh.

Anyway, we were looking through our records and found that we haven't played Little-Known Facts in a while. So let's!

Give us a little-known fact about Black Friday.

Here is ours:
On Black Friday, the one millionth customer to enter a Target store gets a great deal on a TV. But, so do the first 999,999.

Wow, we didn't know that. Did you? Give us your little-known facts in the comments.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Towels and Bowels

Did you ever notice that the words "towel" and "bowel" rhyme? I mean, you probably knew it but never thought about it.

Anyway, so that can be confusing when your friend comes to you and says, "I was at the beach the other day, and this guy's bowels were all over the sand."

Then you'd be like, "Ewww." But then you'd realize he probably said towels and not bowels, so you say, "Wow, that's not cool that he was taking up so much space with his towels."

Then your friend says, "No, I said bowels. It was really gross."

Then you say, "Ewww."

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


It's time for a...FLAAAAAASH......BAAAACK.

And, I suppose, also time for lots of capital As.

One year ago, Mike talked about the mighty bulwark. Wanna see?