Monday, March 31, 2008

Chapter 12: Name That Tune

"What is with you?" Mike asked, "Why are you quoting Bob Marley?"

"Can't explain," Johnny said. "I'm feeling good now, yeah, but can't explain."

"Hey, that's The Who. This is getting pretty weird. But you're sure you're feeling okay?" Mike put his hand on Johnny's forehead.

"I feel good." Johnny paused, then felt obliged to add, "You knew that I would, now."

"James Brown! I don't know what's wrong with you, but this is fun for me. I get to play Name That Tune with your ramblings."

"You stink."

"Hmm... that's a tough one."

"No, Mike. You just stink, " Johnny said irritably.

"Culture Club?"

And the two bickered about song lyrics, still suprisingly unaware of their newly acquired powers. Newly acquired powers? SPOILER ALERT: Don't read previous two sentences.

Friday, March 28, 2008

TV Spots

Last week we asked about changing the NCAA Tournament song from "One Shining Moment". Well you know that commercial they've been showing a lot on TV recently that says, "When you let everyone play, nobody wins"? Well, in terms of last week's Game Time, the following is true, "When nobody plays, everybody wins!" Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we're celebrating the sparcity of answers by letting everybody win for last week's question. If only you're so lucky this time:

What is your favorite television commercial on during March Madness this year?

If you haven't been watching too much March Madness, we'll expand the question to what is your favorite commerical on right now. If you haven't been watching too much television lately, we can expand the question to what is one of your favorite television commercials. If you have never seen a television commercial, then we're glad to have you on our site. It's an honor. You're the first person from the 19th century ever to use the internet, and we're glad we're your first stop.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

The Plunger

I was thinking. We have all these appliances around the house - the washer, the blender, the plunger - and all of them have names descriptive of what they do. The washer washes things, the blender blends things, but the plunger doesn't plunge things. It plunges itself. That name is very humanly in that sense. (I should have used the word 'anthropomorphic'. I've been trying to use that word in a sentence for years, and I just blew my one opportunity.)

Anyway, think about it. The plunger sounds like a nickname you could give a good swimmer or something. It would be like if we called the washer, "The Bouncy Noisemaker," or if we called the blender, "The Shaker-Upper."

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Plastic Toy

On plastic bags, it sometimes says: "This is not a toy." Oh, yeah? Says who? I bet I can play with it. I'll throw it up in the air and watch it float down. Maybe I'll tie it in a knot. Or wear it as a cape. What the bag should really say on it is: "This is not a fun toy."

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


I was driving to Raleigh, NC this weekend, and I saw a sign for a city called Bullocksville. I thought it was pretty funny because I misread it as "Buttocksville." I started thinking, what kind of a person would live in Buttocksville, and what would he do there? What does their city flag look like? Is there a mayor of Buttocksville?

Then I realized it was Bullocksville, and it was not nearly a funny.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Chapter 11: Regaining Consciousness

When we last left our heroes, Mike and Johnny were both unconscious on the floor.

Since Johnny was the first to pass out, it would make sense that he would be the first to wake. And he was.

"Uhhhh..." Johnny said, rising to his feet and holding his stomach, which was gurgling noisily. At this point, Mike opened his eyes.

"Johnny, you alright?"

"I can't stop this feeling, deep inside of me," Johnny said, falling back into his chair.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Mike started to move, but remained on the floor.

"Get up, " Johnny said. "Stand up."

"OK, I'm tryin-"

"Stand up for your rights."

"Um, what?"

"Get up, stand up. Don't give up the fight."

Dun! Dun! DUN!!!(The "dun"s are for dramatic effect.)

Friday, March 21, 2008

Shining Moments

We asked you for your bad vacation stories last time. TONY's story was really just an adaptation of his airpoetry haiku. So, he doesn't win. That means big A wins by default. Congratulations, big A, your story takes the cake.

Johnny mentioned the start of March Madness yesterday. That made us think of this question:

What song should replace "One Shining Moment" as the tribute song for the NCAA Tournament?

Our answer is "The Final Countdown" by Europe. All basketball games have countdown at the end, so it is apropos. You have a better song? Leave a comment.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Several Shining Moments

Today is the beginning of the NCAA Tournament. True, there was the play-in game a couple days ago, but everybody knows that today and tomorrow are the real beginning of March Madness. And that got me thinking. (Never a good thing.) But you know how at the end of the tournament, CBS always shows a highlight reel of the best moments of the tournament to the tune of "One Shining Moment"? Why do they play that song? If it really is one shining moment, then it should be a pretty short video. Instead, they show several moments, and the video lasts over three minutes.

The solution? Change the song. Change it either to "Lots of Interesting Moments, but Some Are More Important Than Others" or to "This Is What Happened in the Basketball Tournament Which Just Ended a Little While Ago but We Can't Tell You Who Won or Else We'd Have to Change the Song Every Year." I come up with really long song titles.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Tie Game

Last night, I was watching the nightly news, and the weatherman was not wearing a green tie, so whenever the screen behind him changed, his tie stayed the same color. Boring.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Tie Dye

Last night, I was watching the nightly news, and the weatherman was wearing a green tie, so whenever the screen behind him changed, his tie changed colors to match. It completely ruined the illusion. It would have been totally believable that this man was transporting himself from the icy mountains to the eye of a storm to some unknown vantage point high in the sky if it weren't for that screwy tie of his. Faker.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Chapter 10: Continued Sickness

Mike stared down at Johnny, who had just passed out on the floor.

"Johnny, I said I would take care of the leftovers, you can stop pretending now," he said, waiting for some reaction.

"Hmm," Mike said, as he realized his brother was not feigning fainting, but in actuality was actually unconscious. Actually.

"Johnny did say that he thought the pizza tasted strange, so maybe that caused it." Mike looked at the pizza in his hand.

"Well, only one way to find out!" And with that Mike continued to eat the pizza. After a few more bites, he himself began to feel a bit woozy.

"Yeah, definitely the pizza," he said, and Mike too fell out of his chair. The two brothers were now both lying on the floor, with no help in sight.

Was the pizza poisoned? Would this be the end of Mike and Johnny? Let's hope not, otherwise this would be a very morbid, short-lived story.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Bad Vacations

In our last Game Time, we asked you to name your pet mouse. Well, after looking at the answers we received, we realized it wasn't a very good question. So instead of choosing a winner, we will choose a loser. That loser is Mike, for picking that question. Boo to you. Pick it up next time, buddy.

Earlier in the week, Mike talked about the origin of the phrase "takes the cake". We thought we would see which of us is most worthy of said cake.

Write a story about a bad vacation you had, in 40 words or less.

Here is ours:

We went on vacation to our crazy aunt's house. She game us some wet rags and made us wash her car. When we finished, she made us dry her car. With wet rags. It took a long time. Crazy aunt.

Think you can do better? Write us your story in the comments, and the winning answer takes the cake. Or at least Game Time props from the Pake Shlake Band.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Drop and Roll

You know how when you are little, in school they teach you what to do in case you are ever on fire. They give you three steps: Stop. Drop. Roll. If you ask me, the "stop" part is kind of superfluous. I'm sure the dropping and rolling would suffice. Besides, I doubt the first thing I would do if I were on fire is stop. It would be more like, "Oh, no!!!!! I'm on fire!!! Please, help me!!!!" Then, I would drop and roll. Maybe they should call it that. Panic. Drop. Roll.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Religious Preference

I've given it a lot of thought, and I think the best religion is Islam. You see, if you take the first few letters of Islam, you get 'isla,' the same letters that start Island. And everyone loves islands. Except maybe the Skipper. They're just so nice and sunny and tropical.

But if you take the first few letters of Catholicism, for example, what do you get? 'Cath.' Like catheter. And that's just plain gross.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

That Takes the Cake

You know the expression, "That takes the cake"? We use it to mean something that is the most extreme. For example, if someone is telling you about a really bad trip they had, you could respond by saying, "Wow, I've heard of bad vacations, but that takes the cake!" I think the expression originates from the olden days when people used to tell stories, and the best story would win a cake. I think we should revive this practice. Nothing cheers you up after a really bad vacation better than a cake.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Chapter 9: Sickness

The two brothers had just taken a bite of the Super Hero pizza.

"Mmmmm! I like it, " Mike said, as he took another bite.

"I'm not so sure, " Johnny replied, looking suspiciously at the sandwich on his slice.

"You're not sure I like it? But I just told you."

"No, no, no. I mean, I'm not sure that I like it. I think the sub on top tastes a little weird," Johnny said. "And I don't feel so good." He pushed away his plate, reaching for something to drink.

"Now that you mention it, the pizza is making me feel a little strange..." Mike said, finishing off his piece of pizza and taking another one.


"Well, not that strange. And besides..." Mike stopped mid-sentence, as Johnny knocked over his glass as he fell to floor unconscious.

"Oh, no!" Mike said. "This means I'll have to put away the leftovers!"

Friday, March 7, 2008

Nice Mice Names

Last week, we asked you to rename household items. We had a lot of good answers, and it was hard to pick a winner. Well, not that hard. Elizabeth wins with her answer of renaming a computer a "solitaire machine." Why does she win, you may ask? A number of reasons. That number is three. First, we decided that since her answer was one of the earlier ones, it deserved some extra credit. Secondly, we thought this "Sid" character was trying to stuff the ballot box which in general is not a bad idea, but this time it backfired. However, the third and perhaps most important reason for choosing Elizabeth as the winner is that Mike has been up the past few nights racking up big bucks in Vegas style three-card flip solitaire. How much is big bucks? $1700, baby! So, to all those who played, better luck next time. Except Elizabeth, to whom we wish equal luck next time.

Earlier in the week, Johnny talked about mouse names. What fun! We pose the same question to you:

What would you name your pet mouse?

Yes, we know technically Johnny talked about his own name as a mouse, but since as far we know there are no mice who come to this website, and certainly no mice that get to name themselves who come to the website, we thought this game would be better. Think you can do better than Horatio? Give it a try in the comments.

Wait, you mean, "Think you can come up a better name the someone named Horatio can come up with", or "Think you can come up with a name that is superior to the name 'Horatio'"? Both.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Magic What?

Why are they called magic carpets? Carpets are usually big and cover the whole area of a room. Magic carpets are much smaller than that. They should really be called magic rugs.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

How's It Doing?

Sometimes, when I bump into someone I know, and I am a little surprised, instead of saying, "How's it going?" or "How are you doing?" I accidentally say "How's it doing?" It is usually pretty embarassing, but there is the rare occasion when the other person responds, "Hey, how are you going?" in which case, we both sort of smile, and then pretend that we never even ran into each other.

Of course, for some people, I just skip to the last step.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Who Let the Mice Out?

If I were a mouse, I would like my name to be Horatio. I'd need a big name to make up for my small stature. But there's always the trouble of having "rat" in your name - people might mistake me for one of my cousins. "I'm a MOUSE! Homouseio just isn't a name!"

Monday, March 3, 2008

Chapter 8: Dinner Time

All this talk about super powers made them work up an appetite. Fortunately, there was a large pizza sitting right in front of them.

"Oh, wow, we almost forgot the pizza!" Mike said, as he opened up the box again.

"Oh, yeah!" Johnny was excited until he realized his pizza still had a sub on top of it. "Um, you eat it first and tell me how it is."

"No way, man," Mike said, plopping a slice on Johnny's plate.

"But, this pizza was your idea! You don't even want it?"

"I just thought it had a cool name...Look at the discussion it sparked! But, it can't be that bad..."

"Ugh, well, let's try it at the same time, then."

Mike and Johnny each picked up a piece, looking a little tentative.

"Make sure it has some of the sub on it, too," Mike said.

And, with eyes closed and faces scrunched, they each took a bite.


Cliff hanger! And we're not talking about the Huxtables' clothes holder.