Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Spirit of Christmas

As Christmas comes and goes, sometimes you hear people say that we should keep the spirit of Christmas, one of goodwill and peace, alive after the holiday season and celebrate Christmas all year long. And I couldn't agree more. Four-day work weeks!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Chapter 50: The Magic Phrase

Mike and Johnny were discussing the Wonder Twins ability.

"Hey, do you think we have a power like that?" Johnny asked.

"You mean a totally useless one?"

"No, I know we have those," Johnny replied, as Mike was now wearing Mickey Mouse ears. "I mean a power that we can't use unless we are both around."

"I don't know, let's try!" Mike said.

"So, how do we test it out?"

"Well, the Wonder Twins say, 'Wonder Twin powers activate!', but we are not Wonder Twins."

"Or losers. What if we say, 'Sniggity snap - it's time for a clap!', and then we clap our hands?" Johnny suggested.

"I thought you said we weren't losers."

The fox shook his head.

"Stench man!" The two shouted at fox simultaneously. Then they high-fived each other for their cleverness. The fox stopped shaking his head midshake, his head facing left.

"What, do you see something?" Mike asked. The fox remained motionless. A few seconds later. He spoke.

"What the heck did you guys do to me? I was frozen there."

"Really?" Johnny said. "Our magic phrase is "Stench man"?"

"Our father will be so proud!"

Friday, December 26, 2008

Boxing Day

Ho Ho Ho! Happy Boxing Day! That's right, folks! Today is Boxing Day. And what a wonderful Boxing Day it is? No. What a wonderful Boxing Day it is! We have a special Game Time just for you. But first, we must declare the winner from last week.

We wanted to know the weirdest lyrics to a Christmas song. After voting, it turns out that most people think that the song about the dysfunctional family, where the child thinks his father would enjoy watching his hussy-of-a-wife hooking up with Santa, has the weirdest lyrics. Hard to argue with that one. Well done, Emily, for nominating that song.

Now, onto this week's game. And do you know what today is? Why, that's right! It is Boxing Day! Now, we know what you are thinking. "Boxing Day? We don't celebrate that in America. That's a Canadian holiday. And we hate Canadians." Let us explain ourselves. We are all for gift-giving holidays, and since Boxing Day is a gift-giving holiday, we are all for it! However, we do have one problem with Boxing Day. It sets a horrible precedent. We now have Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, December 27th. Well, December 27th looks over his shoulder and says, "Hey! How come I don't have a cool name?" Next thing you know, every day will have a name instead of a number, and then where will we be? Numberless. Then people will schedule a business meeting on Hamburger Day and go out to the movies on Suitcase Day. And since know one has any clue whether Hamburger Day comes before or after Suitcase Day, no one will be able to get any work done. Ooh, no work, you say? As in vacation all the time? We no longer have a problem with Boxing Day. In fact, we have decided to speed up the process.

What should we call December 27th?

We think we should call it Pake Shlake Band Day. It was, after all, the Pake Shlake Band who ensured perennial vacations for all. Your suggestions? Post them. Who knows? Next year we could be writing a post on the day you have named. Except probably not, since Pake Shlake Band Day will fall on a Sunday, and we don't work weekends. Regardless, post your nominations.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Frosty the Hitman

You know the song "Frosty the Snowman"? You may know it as a friendly tale of a snowman who comes to life and plays with little kids. But if we look at the lyrics, there is certainly something else going on. He's a criminal, plain and simple, who is trying to corrupt the children. Don't believe me? Let's go to the text.

Frosty the Snowman
Knew the sun was hot that day
So he said let's run
And we'll have some fun
Now before I melt away

Translation: Frosty, the "Snowman" as he is known on the streets, has recently broken out of jail. With the police hot in pursuit, he wants to "have some fun", i.e. commit crimes, before the cops catch up with him.

Down to the village
With a broomstick in his hand
Running here and there all around the square
Saying catch me if you can!

Translation: Frosty carries a "broomstick" i.e. is packing heat, and goes into town to wreak havoc. He hits up a bank, then taunts the police as he makes his getaway, saying "Catch me if you can, coppers!!!"

He led them down the streets of town
Right to the traffic cop
And he only paused a moment when
He heard him holler, "Stop!"

Translation: He accidentally runs into a traffic cop who tries to arrest him, but Frosty flees police pursuit.

Frosty the Snowman
Had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye
Saying don't you cry
I'll be back again some day

Translation: Frosty hightails it out of town with the police hot on his tail, tells the kids he has to lay low for a while, he'll be back after statute of limitations expires.

Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty go

Translation: The children watch as their "friend" abandons them. Frosty speeds off with a line of police cars following him.

What a happy Christmas tale!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Baby Boomers

So, I remember learning about this in religion class or something back when I was little. Around the time of the first Christmas, somehow the king found out, either from an angel or one of the wise men or somebody, that a baby was about to be born and he would become the king of Israel. Well, current king wasn't too pleased about that, so he ordered all newborns to be killed. You know, just in case.

So I was listening to "Do You Hear What I Hear" on the radio - because that's what's on at this time of year - and I was listening to the part where the shepherd boy talks to the king. He tells the king that there's a newborn in Bethlehem. Then, the next line of the song is "Said the king to the people everywhere, ... the child, the child sleeping in the night, he will bring us goodness and light."

I guess that sounds better than, "Said the king to his minions everywhere, ... the child, the child sleeping in the night, let us murder him like all the other babies we killed earlier in the week."

Monday, December 22, 2008

Chapter 49: Superman vs. The Wonder Twins

When we last left our heroes, Johnny had just sounded suspiciously like he already had a cape and was just waiting for the right moment to reveal that fact. That time was now.

"Okay, I do have a cape, and I plan on wearing it!!"

"Dude, chill out. You can wear a cape."

"Yes! I am victorious!" Johnny said.

Mike rolled his eyes. "But that is only part of the costume. We need masks."

"Maybe you need a mask, but I wear glasses, so all I have to do is take off by glasses and no one will recognize me."

"1. That only works if you are Superman, and you are not Superman. You're more like a Wonder Twin. 2. Superman could do it because he didn't really need glasses."

Johnny interrupted. "Yeah, but I could just put in my contacts."

"Oh, yeah, that would work. 'Johnny! Time to go save the world!' 'Hold on, Mike, I need my eye drops!'" Johnny frowned.

"Besides," Mike continued, "3. You sometimes wear contacts when you are not a super hero so people would recognize you."

Johnny sighed. "I guess you are right. But, if I'm like a Wonder Twin, then you are the other Wonder Twin."

"Ooh! Then I'm Zan! Wait, was Zan the boy or the girl?" Mike asked.

"I think Jayna was the girl and Zan was the boy."

"Right, then I'm Jayna!"

"Haha, you're a girl!"

"Yes," Mike replied, "But a girl who can take the form of any creature, where as you, can only be an ice bucket. Enjoy that."

"Ooh, that makes you Gleek," Johnny said to the fox.

The fox, who had been reading a newspaper, looked up. "Guys, you aren't really the Wonder Twins. Mike was just using that as an example for illustrative purposes, to say that you are not Supermen. As is becoming more apparent by the minute."

"Gleek seems a little angry."

"Animal sidekicks can be ornery sometimes."

Friday, December 19, 2008

Winter Wonder-what-the-heck-they're-talking-about-land

Last week, we started talking about Jimbos, Jambos, and Jumbos, and how great it would be to bestow those names upon children. Then we let all of you come up with your own reasons to name your kids thusly. Then we let everyone vote on the best reason. The votes came in, and look who won. Johnny! Johnny? You mean the Shlake of the Pake Shlake Band? The namesake of this website? Yes. That one. The one and only. We should start putting more than one entry in every week.

Anyway, on to this week's Game Time question. With Christmas less than a week away, Christmas songs are taking over the radio waves. And Christmas sharks are taking over the ocean waves. Because of this (the songs, not the sharks) we've been listening to a lot of strange music lately. Stranger than the music of the Pake Shlake Band, the nonsensical musical duo who just chant and speak Shlakese? Well not that strange.

Anyway, the point is, Christmas songs are weird. Some are good, many are not, but they all have their time to shine this week. Listening to the songs, we've noticed some strange lyrics here and there. Johnny already pointed out that Santa shouldn't have to figure out who's been naughty and nice. And that's just one example. So here's the question:

What is the weirdest lyric in a Christmas song?

We think it's gotta be "bells on bobtails ring" from "Jingle Bells". What does that even mean? Why does Bob have a tail? And why on earth are there bells on it?

What do you think are some weird lyrics from Christmas songs?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Vote for Jimbo, Jambo, Jumbo

Last Friday, we asked everybody to give a reason to name their kids Jimbo, Jambo, and Jumbo. The answers are in, and it's voting time.


Vote quickly because the winner will be announced tomorrow morning.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Good but not Nice

You know the song, "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town"? Of course you do, how silly of me. Anyway, here's the thing. He knows if you've been bad or good, right? So when he makes that list, why does he have to find out who's naughty or nice? He should already know. Unless there's some sort of exchange rate between bads and naughties that I don't know about.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Standing Tall on the Wings of My Dreams

I have a friend who lives in Chicago. I asked what song she wakes up to in the morning. She seemed confused and just said the radio. I was disappointed. I know if I lived in chicago, I would wake up every morning to the theme from Perfect Strangers.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Chapter 48: Cape-hat

"If I can't have a cape," Mike said, "then I'm going to wear one of these."

And Mike waved his hand to make a silly looking hat appear on his head.

"What is that?" Johnny asked.

"It's my cape-hat." Mike replied. "It's what they wear in the desert in DuckTales the Movie."

"I can't let you wear that."

"Why not?" Mike complained. "You get to wear your stupid cape."

"Capes aren't stupid. They're comfortable. You can wrap yourself in them, and you can wave them around when you dance, and --"

"Wait a second. This is the worst argument for capes I've ever heard."

"Oh you have arguments about capes often?"

"You'd be surprised man. Anyway, by the way you're talking about them, it sounds like you already own a cape.

Johnny looked away guiltily, kicked the ground, and started to whistle all at once.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Jimbo, Jambo, Jumbo

Last week, after reading up on the word "bulwark," Mike decided to come up with the origin of that strange word. Then it was your turn and after the voting, it turns out Sam won with his origin:
Viscount Samuel Bulwark was a member British House of Lords in the mid 1600’s. He initiated legislation that allowed citizens to build fences around thier house if they lived in the city. Hence, a bulwark became known as something that protects.

This week, we've been talking a lot about kids' names, namely the name Jimbo, the name Jambo, and the name Jumbo. We both gave some reasons to name our children that, and now it's your turn.

Why would you name your kids Jimbo, Jambo, and Jumbo?

Tell us in the comments.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Vote for The Mighty Bulwark

On Friday, we asked you all to explain where the word Bulwark came from. The etymologist in all of you gave us your responses, and now it's time to choose our favorite:


If only real history could be decided be a poll.

Since this post is so late in the day we're giving you all another hour to vote. Polls close at 10:00 tomorrow morning.


I think I'm gonna name my kids Jimbo, Jambo, and Jumbo. Really, I just don't think Jemima would have gone over well with the missus.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


I think I’m gonna name my kids Jimbo, Jambo, and Jumbo. That way, I’ll be setting them up for a future in the food industry. They can open a restaurant called Jimbo, Jambo, and Jumbo's Cajun Jamboree. The most popular entrees will be Jumbo's Jumbo Gumbo and Jambo's Jumbo Jambalaya. It was Jimbo's idea to have everything on the menu be Jumbo-sized.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


I think I'm gonna name my kids Jimbo, Jambo, and Jumbo. That way, I'll be setting them up for a future in the clown industry.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Chapter 47: Capes

When we last left our heroes, their friend the fox had created a Mario-esque way for Mike to get into their secret lair. Mike had just run down the side of the warehouse using a ramp. Half a second later, he was back with Johnny on the roof.

"Great," Mike said. "Now we can both get into our hideaway. That means we can start being super heroes!"

"No, we can't. We're not ready yet."

"Why?" Mike asked.

"We need costumes."

"Oh my gosh. You're right!"

"I know. I'm always right," Johnny said.

"I get a cape!"

"No, I get a cape. Fast people can't have capes. It slows them down."

"But Superman has a cape," Mike said. "He has super speed."

"Superman has a cape for when he's flying, not when he's running."

"What does that mean? He takes off his cape for running?"

"No, it means I get a cape and you don't."


Friday, December 5, 2008

The Mighty Bulwark

Thankgiving was a week ago yesterday, and our Game Time involved renaming the holiday. After Votecasting Day, we have a winner: Max, for his answer Thankstaking. Congrats, Max, for back-to-back wins.

Earlier in the week, Mike talked about the word "bulwark" and how it came about. Since Mike just made up his word origin, you can do the same.

Write a word origin for the word "bulwark."

Remember, a bulwark is a person, thing, or concept that is a defense or protection. Give us your word origins in the comments.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Vote for Thanksgiving

On Friday, we asked everybody to come up with a new name for Thanksgiving. Like Thanksgiving, it had to be a compound word, generally describing what happens on ye old Turkey Day. We got several answers, and today, Votecasting, we want you to cast your votes.


Happy Votecasting!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Nine Lives

Do cats really have nine lives? I mean think about it, that's ridiculous. No other creature has even two lives. How did they get nine?

You know what I think happened? I think that it's all a big mix-up. Somebody said, "You know, cows have four stomachs," which is true, I think. But even that's ridiculous. Anyway, then somebody responded, "Oh yeah, well my ex-husband had no brain." And then somebody responded, "Ohhhh, so that's why he married you." And then somebody else responded, "What does this have to do with cats?" And somebody else said, "Not cats, cows." And then somebody else said, "No no, he's right. Cats. Cats have four stomachs." And then another person said, "Huh? Cats don't have four stomachs. My cat barely eats at all. He drinks a lot of milk though." And then somebody else said, "Your cat drinks a lot of gin? He must have a strong liver.' To which someone else repied, "Strong liver? My ex-husband had a strong liver." And then somebody responded, "You say cats have four livers?" And somebody said, "No no, cows have four livers. Cats have nine." You see, that person was just trying to be silly. And then somebody got the transcript the next day, and misread it as "lives" instead of "livers" and started spreading the rumor that cats have nine lives when in fact they don't.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


You know what's a funny word? Bulwark. According to, bulwark means "to serve as a bulwark." Okay, so the verb part of the definition doesn't help. But the noun part does. Bulwark means "a person, thing, or concept that is a defense or protection."

To be honest, I don't trust the dictionary. Listen to the word: "bulwark." It sounds like some sort of beast, perhaps mythical. I can't decide if the bulwark can fly or not. He is certainly carnivorous. But then it occurred to me. The dictionary gives the modern definition, but doesn't give the word origin. The origin must be something like this:

In ancient times, the mighty bulwark roamed the Earth, terrorizing villages in search for flesh. Eventually, man domesticated the beast, and the bulwark served as a sentinel, or watchdog, for the village, keeping it safe from animal attack or enemy towns. Hence, the term "bulwark" has come to mean something that gives protection. It is unclear if the bulwark could fly, or if it ever existed, but stories of the bulwark date back to the Ancient Greeks.

Ah, what a noble history for the mighty bulwark!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Chapter 46: The First Entrance

The fox led the two brothers up to the roof. The only difference from the last time they had been up there was a ramp, reminiscent of a skateboard ramp. It was aligned with the shorter end against the edge of the roof, so that if you wanted to use the skateboard ramp, you would have to be floating.

"Um, this looks the same," Mike said. "Except the ramp of death over there."

"For many, a ramp of death," the fox replied. "But for a speed demon..."

"A ramp of life!" Johnny said.

"No, just a ramp," said the fox.

"How does it work?"

"Stand there, and then start using your super speed."

"Won't I smash into the ground?"

"I put another ramp down there."

"Oh!" Johnny exclaimed. "Like in Mario!"

"Alright! Do I have to put my arms out to my side like he does?"

"Yes!" said Johnny.

"No," said the fox.

"But can I?"

The fox rolled his eyes. "Sure."

And with that, Mike stood up on the ramp, stretched his arms out, and started to run. Johnny and the fox watched as he went over the side of the warehouse. They then moved to the edge and peered down. They saw Mike looking back up at them. He was giving the thumbs up.

"Alright!" said the fox. "I am awesome!"