Monday, December 31, 2007

New Year's Eve

I was thinking about throwing a good New Year's Eve party, and I stumbled across this book called A Dictionary of Superstitions. Naturally, I looked up New Year's, not wanting to accidentally do something to upset Olmec, or Kirk Fogg for that matter. Anyway, here's what I found:

On the evening before New Year's Day, it is usual for the cowherd and the young people to meet together, and one of them is covered with a cow's hide. The rest of the company are provided with staves, to the end of which bits of raw hide are tied. The person covered with the hide runs thrice round the dwelling-house, according to the course of the sun; the rest pursue, beating the hide with their staves, and crying "Let us raise the noise louder and louder; let us beat the hide."

That sounds like tons of fun, so I'm definitely going to do something like that at my party. I just have to find some cow hide. And someone who'll be willing to run around my house getting beaten.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Christmas Duets

Last time, we asked what you would sell your soul to the devil for. DJ wins for the answer: "I would sell my soul to the devil in exchange for his soul." Props.

Earlier this week, Mike talked about the confusion in the song "Do You Hear What I Hear?" That got us thinking about our favorite Christmas songs. And the Bing Crosby-David Bowie duet led us to this:

What two artists would make the strangest Christmas duet?

Honestly, Bing Crosby and David Bowie is a pretty good answer. But we think 50 Cent and Liberace would make a Christmas song for the ages.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

The Day After

I was driving around yesterday, and I saw that a lot of people have already taken down their Christmas decorations. I thought that was kinda strange, since you really have until January 6th to take them down, and I'm all about procrastinating. And besides, who really wants to take down Christmas decorations on Christmas day? That's just horribly depressing.

Anyway, I did see one house that still had Christmas decorations up. Although I'm not sure what "OOGA BOOGA!!" has to do with the holiday spirit.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Did you hear what I said?

You know the Christmas carol "Do you hear what I hear?" It's like a really bad game of telephone. Every time you tell someone something, the message gets confused. I feel bad for the shepherd boy. He tells the king that a child is shivering in the cold and we should give him gold and silver. Then he hears that the king is going to be addressing everyone, and he's like, "Alright the king is going to relay my message." He tells his friends and they all go to listen to the king, and he says, "A child sleeping in the night," and the shepherd boy is like, "Yep, here is where he's gonna ask for donations." And then the king says, "He will bring us goodness and light." The shepherd boy is like "What? I didn't say that at all! This king is crazy." Then he is arrested for treason.

Like I say, a REALLY bad game of telephone.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Monday, December 24, 2007

Let It Snow

I like snow. I like waking up in the morning and seeing snow on the ground and the trees. But, I don't like walking in it. Or driving in it. Or touching it. Or the way it turns black because of cars. Hmm. As it turns out, I guess I only like pictures of snow.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Sympathy for the Devil

Last week, we asked what you would rename the seasons. Max is the winner with his answer Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme. Get it? Seasons? Spices? Seasoning? No? Onward!

Mike recently mentioned that he would change his name to Your Name Here. It made us think of this question:

If you had to change your name to something ridiculous, what name would you choose?

What? We already asked that question? Oh. Well, then, how's this? On Wednesday, Johnny said he would sell his soul to the devil for a little more sleep. It made us think of this question:

If you had to change your name to something ridiculous, what name would you choose?

No, no. Not that question. This question:

If you were to sell your soul to the devil, what would you have to get in exchange?

Best answer gets to sell his or her soul to the devil. Okay, you don't have to. But, think about it, at least.

Thursday, December 20, 2007


When I was a kid, I used to love pistacchios. I loved them so much I had a pistacchio stash. But little did I know, I was allergic to pistacchios. So I got a pistacchio stash rash. I had to get rid of them, so I sold them to Steve Nash. So I got a lot of pistacchio stash rash Nash cash. But then I spent it all.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

How you feelin'?

If I were the devil, I would hang out by people's beds when they woke up and offer them more sleep in exchange for their souls. I know that when my alarm goes off, I would do some pretty stupid things for five more minutes of shuteye.

Of course, If I were the devil, I would also have Arrow sent to hell so he could perform "Hot Hot Hot" for all my devilish dance parties.

Oh, and I'd have pointy ears and a killer goatee. And I'd be red. And have a tail. Man, being the devil would be awesome.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Easy Money

I think I'm going to change my name to Your Name Here. That way, I can use all of those free American Express cards they keep sending me in the mail.



Monday, December 17, 2007

Class Picture

One time my teacher asked us to write a 1000 word essay. I drew him a picture.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Big Girls Don't Cry

Last week, we asked a tough question about snowflakes, and the best explanation on why no two snowflakes are alike came from Sam. To quote: "snowflakes falling to earth are like women going to a party. do you think a woman would be caught wearing the same dress as someone else? no way."

Yesterday, Johnny talked about renaming the seasons Spades, Hearts, Clubs, and Diamonds. So this week's Game Time question is:

If you could rename the seasons, what would you call them?

While naming them after the suits in a deck would be fun, we'd probably change the names of the seasons to John, Paul, George, and Frankie Valli.

And you?

Thursday, December 13, 2007


Look what I just figured out. There are 52 weeks in a year, right? And a deck of cards has 52 cards, right? Isn't that amazing? "Amazing? No I don't think that's amazing. I think that's pretty stupid." Well who asked you anyway, buddy? "Uh, you just did." Hmm...

But listen, it is amazing. Think of the possibilities. We could like, change all of our calendars to be playing card-based. Like we could change the seasons' names from Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall to Spades, Hearts, Clubs, and Diamonds. Or we could keep summer, because I like that one. "And I don't particularly like clubs." Oh yeah, who asked you this time? "Sorry."

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


Why do we call football "football"? You don't really use your feet very much. I mean, you use them to run, but then you could call lacrosse "football" too.

We should make football's name more accurately descriptive of the game. "Baseball" is a game with bases and balls. "Basketball" is a game with baskets and balls. So, naturally football should be called "Smashyball."

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Box and One

I think I'm gonna start calling boxer shorts old school basketball player shorts because if you've seen a boxing match recently, they wear their pants down past their knees. But Bill Russell, that man ran around in his underwear.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Speciel Special

I just realized something. In an earlier post, I mentioned that the bird who smacked into a window would be mocked by his bird friends.

But why would a bird have to have bird friends? Couldn't he have badger friends, or woodchuck friends, or rabbit friends? I assumed that since he was a bird, he would have bird friends, and I realize that this was a prejudiced thing to say and I apologize.

My name is Mike and I am a speciesist. Admitting a problem is the first step.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Frosted Shlakes

Last week, we asked people to think of a good title for a movie involving aliens and their foreign diseases. Francis Ford wins for his title, "Allergic Reaction," although we feel like we should give a shout out to Sam as well for his tagline #3: "These aliens are nothing to sneeze at. But you will." Props to you both.

This week, Johnny contemplated the uniqueness of snowflakes. So, for this week's game, we want your opinion.

Why is it that no two snowflakes are exactly alike?

Here is our answer:
No two snowflakes are exactly alike because, if they were, they wouldn't be able to tell each other apart. And that would be embarassing for them: "Oh, I thought you were me." "No problem, I thought you were me." "You mean I'm not you?" "No." "Oh."

What's your explanation? Let us know.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Frosted Flakes

You know how they say that no two snowflakes are exactly the same? How do they know? I sure would hate to be that guy, devoting his whole life to examining snowflakes with his little magnifying glass, being careful not to touch them because that would ruin the whole thing. He couldn't even breathe too heavily on them. And then he'd have to write all his observations down in little spiral notebooks that the bossman would collect and do further analysis.

Sounds miserable. But I bet when the bossman's not around, he tries to catch a few on his tongue.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Carting Off a Golf Cart

I've always been tempted to steal a golf cart, but it isn't fast enough for the getaway.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

The Slimy Old Security Guard

Shouldn't stop signs tell you when to go again? I mean, the sign is clear as day. STOP. Do not pass. It's kinda like the slimy troll under the bridge. The sign says, "There ain't noway you're gettin' past me." And yet, people stop for a second, and then go right through.

It's actually kind of disrespectful. It's like we see the sign, know it can't do anything about it and just walk on by. So it's not like the troll. It's like an old security guard. You stop because there's a security guard, but once you see that he's really old and couldn't catch up with you if he wanted to, you just go by.

Poor old stop sign.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Widdle Window

A bird just smacked into my window. He looked a little dazed, and then he flew off. I feel bad for him. I know how embarrassing it can be to run into a glass door, so I can only imagine how much more embarrassing it would be to fly into one. His bird friends will never let him forget it. Poor little guy.