'Celephones'

I'm gonna start spelling 'cellphone' 'celephone' so it looks like 'telephone'. I'm also gonna start putting 'single-quotes' 'around' random 'words'.

Vote for Scrabble Dabble

So last Friday, when we posted the new Game Time, we said that we'd be trying something new and that we wanted your answers in by Wednesday. Here's why - we're going to let you pick the winner!

Yes, we at the Pake Shlake Band, have decided to grant you, Time's Person of 2006, the power of selecting this week's Game Time winner. So remember the article?

Hasbro, who owns the rights to the classic board game Scrabble, is suing the makers of Scrabulous. Scrabulous is an online version of the game designed for Facebook users. Hasbro seeks to have the knock-off immediately shut down. Alfred Butts created Scrabble 70 years ago.

[poll=2]

Vote quickly because we're revealing the winner tomorrow with the new Game Time question.

Macchio Man

I was thinking recently if Hollywood ever made a movie about me, it should star Ralph Macchio. But then I thought, if Hollywood makes a movie about anything, it should star Ralph Macchio.

Chameleon Feet

Somebody should invent shoes that change colors based on your environment. That way, like chameleons, your feet would always be camouflaged.
Why would anyone want that?
What do you mean, 'Why would anyone want that?'? That would be awesome!
I just don't see the value in it.
Come on. No one would be able to see your feet. They would be like, "Where are your feet!?" And you'd be like, "I don't know...maybe they walked away. Ha ha." And you would laugh.
Yeah. Still don't see any value in it.
Well, I'd buy a pair.

And that, ladies and gentlemen was a discussion with myself. Thank you very much.
You're welcome.

Chapter 28: The Fox

When we last left our heroes, they were busy getting a fox confused with a monkey.

"Well, let me try again, " Mike said. "Ooh! A fox!"

Walking out from the alley was a brown fox, looking warily at the two brothers.

"It's OK, little guy," Mike said, "we won't hurt you."

"Why are you calling the fox over? He might attack!"

"Why would he attack? I just said we wouldn't hurt him."

"Well, foxes are sly..." the fox said.

"Whoa!" Johnny said. "I found a new power! I can talk to animals!"

"Dude, anyone can talk to animals, it's understanding them when they talk back that is the power."

"Fine, I can talk with animals! I can understand that fox."

"Hey, I heard him too! That's so cool!"

"Sorry to disappoint you two, but everyone can understand me. I am a talking fox."

"Hmm, I think this fox knows how to speak," Mike said.

"Hey, you might be right..." said the fox.

"He knows sarcasm, too," Johnny added.

Scrabble Dabble

Hello, again! Last week, we asked you all to write stories about baseball, dead cats, and ice cream, three of our favorite things. Lorenzo wins primarily for mentioning St. Peterkins. Congratulationskins.

This week we thought we'd give Headliners another shot. You remember how to play? Here is the news article:

Hasbro, who owns the rights to the classic board game Scrabble, is suing the makers of Scrabulous. Scrabulous is an online version of the game designed for Facebook users. Hasbro seeks to have the knock-off immediately shut down. Alfred Butts created Scrabble 70 years ago.

And here's our very own headline:
Hasbro senses Risk of Trouble, wants Monopoly on online Scrabble

Think you can do better? Post your healine in the comments. Oh and we want to try something new this week, so try to get your answers in as soon as possible. Let's throw out Wednesday as the cut off date.

Shoo, Shoe

You know that nursery rhyme? No, not that one. Not that one either. Yeah, that one! It starts like this:

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.

I have some advice, ma'am. MOVE OUT OF THE SHOE!

Side note: If you look at the word "shoe" long enough, you will be convinced that it is spelled wrong, since S-H-O-E can't possibly be pronounced the way we pronounce "shoe".

The I'm Impatient and Gullible Button

You know what could possible be the biggest hoax of all time? The Close Door button on elevators.

Hexa-gone

Hexagons don't get any love in the street sign world. I mean, you have triangles, squares, octagons, even the occasional pentagon for schools, but no hexagons. Where is the justice? Maybe Mr. Heptagon can tell us where it is.

Chapter 27: The Monkey

"I think I've been tricked..." Johnny said as the two were now standing outside.

"Yeah, a bit, but you know deep down you want to save the world."

"Mike, it was a petty criminal, hardly an issue of world safety."

"Maybe, but if he's like us, he's just learned of his powers, so he will soon be getting stronger, and might try to steal a bit more than chump change. Ooh! A monkey!"

"Um, dude, that's a fox," Johnny said, as Mike started to approach the animal.

"I know, but saying chump change made me say monkey. You know chump, chimp, monkey, it's natural."

"No, it's not natural...especially since the monkey is always outside our place."

"See, you just called the fox a monkey too! Clever fox!"

Catter Up

So last week, Mike talked about the Paul Simon song, "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover," and for last week's Game Time, we asked you all to tell us some more ways. There were lots of good entries, but we're gonna have to give the prize to Elizabeth for her "Jump off a cliff, Biff." Kind of a sad way to leave your lover, since you will also be leaving the rest of the living world too, but still.

Anyway, on to this week's game. This week, we've talked about ice cream, baseball, and dead cats. So this week's game will be to write a story using all of these key plot elements. (Oh, we should probably bold the game and put it on its own line).

Write a story involving ice cream, baseball, and dead cats.

Here's ours:
Once upon a time, there was a man named Jimmy. Jimmy loved ice cream, baseball, and dead cats. Jimmy was very strange. The end.

Your turn.

Felicide

Curiosity killed the cat. I want to know who killed it the other eight times.

All-Star Game

Last night was the 2008 Major League Baseball All-Star Game. The American League won 4-3 in 15 innings. The game didn't end until almost 2 AM. Since it went so long, the announcers kept talking about how the American League All Stars Manager Terry Francona had such a difficult decision to make this night, and how they felt bad for him.

I, for one, did not feel bad. His decision was whether or not to let a pitcher pitch for more than one inning. Instead, I felt bad for the poor fan cheering for the National League who stayed up watching the game, would only get four hours of sleep, and then have to go to work the next day...at a job that doesn't involve getting paid millions of dollars and watching baseball all day. And that poor fan is I.

We All Scream

I saw an ice cream truck the other day, and there was a sign, "Caution: Children" with a picture of a running child. I guess the idea is kids will get excited by the ice cream truck and run straight for it without looking around for traffic, and the sign is telling the other drivers to watch out. But that's absurd. The sign should read, "Caution: Everybody" with a picture of me running towards the truck.

Chapter 26: Ice Breath

"Ice breath?" Mike asked.

"Ice breath," replied Johnny.

"A disco dancer with ice breath?"

"A disco dancer with ice breath."

"An ATM-robbing disco dancer with ice breath?"

"Yes, I think you get it," said Johnny.

"Let's get him!"

"Mike, it already happened!"

"No, no. Don't you see?"

"Um, what?"

"He has super powers! The police force won't be able to get him! We have to stop him. We are the city's only hope! This is our chance."

"I don't know, Mike..."

"Look, " Mike said, "If you had a chance, one shot, to take everything you could ever want, in one moment, would you take it, or let it pass you by?"

"Dude, are you trying to quote Eminem to me? Cause if you are, you should do it right."

"What is it then?"

"Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment, would you capture it or just let it slip?"

"Wow, how inspirational. Let's go, then!" And with that Mike grabbed Johnny and pulled him out the door.

Some More Ways to Leave Your Lover

Last week we asked for odes to our founding fathers. And while there were some good ones, we have to give the title to Luca for his ode to apple pie (Although DJ's ode to beer was not far behind). Back to back wins for Luca! Oh, good job! Good job!

Yesterday, Mike talked about how Paul Simon couldn't think of 50 ways to leave his lover. We have decided to help him out.

Come up with more ways to leave your lover.

What does that mean, exactly? Well, the formula is simple. You need a way to leave your lover, followed by a name that rhymes with it. Here is ours:

Send her a fax, Max.

It's pretty simple. Your turn. In the comments.

Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover?

You know that song by Paul Simon, Fifty Ways to Leave your Lover? Well, I was listening to that song recently. Here is the refrain:

"Just slip out the back, Jack.
Make a new plan, Stan.
You don't need to be coy, Roy.
Just get yourself free.
Hop on the bus, Gus.
You don't need to discuss much!
Just drop off the key, Lee,
And get yourself free."

But, if you look at it, that's really only five ways to leave your lover. And, to be honest, two of them are more like guidelines than actual rules. But, I guess "Three Ways and Two Guidelines on How to Leave Your Lover" is not a catchy title.

Good Nights

How come in Spanish, they say Buenas Noches to mean Good Night? Shouldn't it be Buena Noche? Buenas Noches sounds like Good Nights. Which, I guess is fine, killing two birds with one stone and all: say Good Nights tonight, skip tomorrow, repeat the next day. But what happens if you're a Spanish executioner? You say Buenas Noches the day before the drop, and then you make the criminal feel bad, knowing he's only got one night left. And then you, the Spanish executioner, have wasted a Buena Noche by giving two away when only one would suffice. That's no good.

And why do I always capitalize Good Night? That's just weird.

No Day at the Beach

You know the expression, "It was no day at the beach"? It means something was not enjoyable or relaxing and was overall a hassle. I recently went to the beach. One of my friends got stung by a jellyfish, another one got sunburned, and I still have sand all over me. So, it seems that a day at the beach is no day at the beach.

Chapter 25: The Newspaper Article

The next morning, Johnny woke up to see Mike in the kitchen. He was wearing a chef's hat and cooking breakfast.

"Hey, babe!" Mike called. "Look at me! Chef's hat! We got the power!"

"Good Morning, Starshine. The Earth says, 'Hello!'" Johnny said as he sat down at the table.

Mike looked happy to see Johnny still had powers as well but was a bit confused by the greeting. "Um, well, tell the Earth I say 'Hi,' I guess."

Johnny picked up the newspaper and started flipping through it. "Why do we still pay for the newspaper?"

"Cause otherwise it would be stealing."

"You are misinterpreting my words. I mean, why do we get the paper? You can read everything online for free." Johnny said, as he turned to the inside of the Metro Section.

"You can't read the comics online easily. Too many clicks."

"Hmm." Johnny frowned. "That's strange."

"Why? You like clicking forever?"

"What? No, I'm talking about this article." Johnny pointed to the back page of the newspaper. "It says here that late last night, four different people were robbed at the ATM."

"That's not too str-"

"By a disco dancer."

"Well, still, I've heard stranger-"

"With ice breath."

Independence Day

Last Game Time we asked for headlines about Bill Gates' Retirement. We got some good answers. Ligabue's answer was enticing in the sense that we didn't exactly understand it, but we had a feeling if we had, it would have been clever. However, the winner was Luca for the headline: "Bill Gates Retires, Send Error Report? Don’t Send." Well done!

For those of you who don't know, today is the Fourth of July. For those of you who don't know why this date is more significant that the Fifth of July, America celebrates our Independence Day on July Fourth. So, to honor the good ol' USA, this week we want odes to the patriots who helped form this great nation. And, since we are feeling generous, we will accept entries in prose or poem form.

Write a story/poem honoring your favorite patriot in 40 words or less.

Here is ours:

Freedom from oppression,
From an evil power,
You protected this great nation,
And ensured we'd endure.
Thank you, Will Smith.

Did you like that? It was one of those "Poems that doesn't rhyme" poems. How patriotic! Now it is your turn. Post your story/poem/poem that doesn't rhyme in the comments. Winner gets a shout out, like Luca got. But you never know, maybe you can be a loser who gets a shout out, like Ligabue. You'll have to post to find out!

Nap Time

You know how in preschool, the kids are supposed to take a nap, but sometimes some kids don't want to? This is how I would fix the problem. I would go up to them and say, "Listen, in 20 years you are going to wish someone came by after lunch and made you take a nap. Enjoy it while you can!" I think the kids would not longer want to stay up. Instead, they would want to cry because a strange man had just yelled at them. Problem solved.

Follow Your What?

Here's my problem with Fruit Loops. Their slogan is "Follow Your Nose." But their spokesperson, Toucan Sam, is a bird. He doesn't have a nose. He has a beak. It should be "Follow Your Beak." But then that would be confusing to children who don't have beaks. So I guess their slogan should be, "Smell It."

Shlakese, Part 2

Hello again. It's time again for another lesson in Shlakese, your favorite nonsensical language.

coach - a car; also spelled coche, but pronounced "coche" as in "coche" as opposed to "coche" as in "coche"; derived from the Spanish word "coche", which, coincidentally, also means "car".

Example:
Johny: Hurry, we're late, lets go!
Mike: OK, we can take my coach...Oh, we need to stop for gas!
Johnny: Brav.

Simple enough, right? Now, amaze your friends by asking them where their coach is. When they seem confused, make sure to clarify you mean coach as in coche, pronounced coche not coche. And when they say, "I have no idea what are you talking about!!", just smile and say, "Brav."