Friday, November 30, 2007

Sgt Zormac Goes to Hollywood

Last week, we asked for Thanksgiving poems involving your favorite holiday character. Emily won with her limerick about McGuirky the Thanksgiving Chicken. I bet she's thankful that she won. Oh yeah? I'll take that bet.

Yesterday, Johnny described a scenario in which an alien race accidentally conquers planet Earth. We thought that would make a good movie. But we couldn't figure out what to call it. So here's this week's Game Time question:

What should the movie be titled?

The best we had so far was, "Illegal Aliens," and the tagline could be something like, "In space, no one can hear you sneeze."

Got something better? Post it up, fuzzball.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

We Come in Peace

You know how the aliens always say "We come in peace"? Well, what happens if we're all allergic to aliens? Then after a few days of tea and crumpets with Sergeant Zormac, the President starts getting hives. After a friendly game of tiddlywinks with Mr. Blimkor, the Queen develops an oddly colored rash. Soon enough all the world leaders start getting sick, and we're stuck with a leaderless world.

Then what happens? Naturally, Sergeant Zormac becomes Emperor Zormac, Mr. Blimkor becomes Mrs. Blimkor, and we have been duly conquered. "We come in peace"? Doesn't look like it anymore, does it?

So the moral of the story is next time anyone tells you that they come in peace, blast the suckers before they go all Cortez on you.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

My kind of sale

I was driving past a store with a sign in the window that read, "75% Off Women's Clothes." Ooh la la!




Tuesday, November 27, 2007


Sometimes, when I'm alone, I talk to myself. Myself doesn't listen either.

Monday, November 26, 2007

How was your Thanksgiving?

The Monday after thanksgiving might be the saddest day of the year. Your family is gone, you have to return to work, and now even something as delicious as a turkey sandwich loses some of its appeal because you've eaten it for the past 5 days.

But, perhaps the most annoying part to me is that everyone asks, "How was your Thanksgiving?" And, to be fair, it is an innocuous question; they are only asking to be polite. But, I think it would be more polite if they didn't ask, because how many times can one person say, "Oh, it was good - we ate turkey, watched football, slept ..." without getting a little perturbed?

So, today when someone asks me how my Thanksgiving was, I'm going to open my eyes real wide and say: "Oh my gosh! I missed it!" And then go running down the hall. That'll teach 'em.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Pilgrim Poems

For the game last week, we asked you to name some bad doctors. And the winner for that game is Sid for his answer, Dr. Dre. Congrats, Sid! And now, on to this week's game:

Yesterday was Thanksgiving, as most of our American readers know. Our Canadian readers are probably thinking, "I thought Thanksgiving was in October, eh?" and our other readers around the world are thinking, "What's Thanksgiving, and how do I get in on that?" Well, look no further than your friends from the Pake Shlake Band. We are making this week's Game Time one where everyone can join in the fun.

Remember on Halloween when we asked you for scary stories? We are doing a similar game this week. But, instead of scary stories, we'd like poems. Poems that include your favorite Thanksgiving character, that is. What, like Squanto? Sure. Like Squanto. Or like Peter Von Porten, the Paltry Pilgrim. Basically, you can interpret "Thanksgiving Character" however you like. So here's the game:

Write a Thanksgiving poem involving your favorite Thanksgiving character.

Ours would go something like this:

When the days start to shorten,
And the trees start to die,
We head to Peter Von Porten's
To eat all his pie.

Put on your poetry caps, and try to top ours. Our poem, not our poetry cap. That is untoppable.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving!

Someone who goes under-appreciated during this time of year is the person who invented Thanksgiving. He must have thought to himself, "Thanksgiving Thursday will be a holiday to celebrate all the gifts we have." What a great idea. He recognized the strife of the pilgrims and the kindness shown to them by the Native Americans. He acknowledged the need to be thankful for our blessings. And perhaps most importantly, he essentially guaranteed that we get a four day weekend.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Once a Year

Thanksgiving is tomorrow, the day where we are all supposed to give thanks for the good things in our lives. But here's my thing: why is it only once a year?

It's like Mother's Day or Earth day. Are we only supposed to appreciate our Moms on the second Sunday in May? Are we only supposed to care about the environment whenever the heck Earth Day is? Then why do we have to wait until November to eat turkey, mashed potatoes, and apple pie?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Endangered Species

Ben Franklin wanted the National Bird of the United States to be the turkey. He probably wanted American families to eat bald eagle on Thanksgiving too.

Crazy coot.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Quiet, please.

Tennis is a strange sport. They make you be quiet. Imagine if other competitive sports made you do that. The referee would yell at you if you made noise. And both teams would give you dirty looks, as if to say, "Hey, dude, we're playing a game here, could you please be quiet? I don't come to your job and yell." I find that strange. But, it makes focusing on net vibrations much easier.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Is there a doctor in the house?

Last week's game was about falling asleep on the job. DJ wins for saying that a therapist who falls asleep at work wouldn't be too good for his patient's self-esteem. So props to DJ. And on to this week:

Yesterday, Johnny talked about a bad experience with a doctor. That started us thinking, and so we came up with this week's Game Time question:

Who would you never want to be your doctor and why?

Who, us? We wouldn't want to have a checkup with Dr. Scooby Doo. Sure, he can talk and solve mysteries, but he is still a dog.

Your turn.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Doctor Laugh

I wish I had a doctor with a good sense of humor. Like, I go in to complain that my leg hurts, and he says, "I've got just the thing." And the next thing I know, he injects me with Novocaine, and I wake up to find that he's cut the darn thing off. "Surprise!"

On second thought, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Doctors with good senses of humor sometimes go a little bit too far.


Wednesday, November 14, 2007

A little bit louder now...

I am a little confused about the words "microphone" and "megaphone." In Greek, "micro" means small, "mega" means big, and "phone" means sound. But then why do megaphones and microphones do the same thing? A microphone should make your voice softer, which could be useful if you want to whisper a secret to someone. In fact, from now on I am going to use the word "microphone" to mean the device that makes your voice smaller. "Dude, you are too loud - you need a microphone." That should clear up any confusion.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


I think it's kinda funny how every building has those EXIT signs that tell you which way to go to leave the place. Under normal circumstances, I can find my own way out, and if there's some sort of emergency, there's no way I'd trust a sign.

Monday, November 12, 2007

YOU wear your Sunglasses at Night?

Everyone wears sunglasses during the day. They protect your eyes from the bright day. You know what we need? Moonglasses. To protect your eyes from the dark night. They would be like little flashlight things, that make the night time brighter. Unfortunately, there is one problem. Sometimes, the moon is out at the same time as the sun, and you can't really wear both sunglasses and moonglasses at the same time. That would be ridiculous.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Asleep on the Job

In yesterday's post, Johnny alluded to the difficult life of a shepherd. He claimed that the sheep herder's trouble comes from falling asleep on the job. Well, that's not such a bad thing for a shepherd: all he does is lose sheep. But, it could be really bad news for a different occupation. So, here's today's question:

What would be the worst job to fall asleep while working?

Best answer gets a shout out. In the sense that we will shout out your name. If you listen very closely, you might be able to hear us yelling.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

So You Had a Baaaad Day

The life of a shepherd is a difficult one. He wakes up to find his flock is missing. Then he spends all day trying to find the little critters, and when he's got a whole bunch of them rounded up, he has to make sure he's got them all. So he starts counting sheep. Naturally, he falls asleep. And when he wakes up, they're gone again.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Spelling Cie

"I before E except after C." Oh really? Are we training our children to be poor spellers? Glacier, efficient, species,... need I go on? According to Merriam-Webster, there are 861 entries with I before E after C. It seems as though this ancient rule of society is filled with inaccuracies.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Wishin' and Hopin'

Here's my problem with genies. They say you get three wishes, but they don't let you wish for more wishes. I mean, who's to say that's not allowed? A wish is a wish. The next thing you know, they're not gonna let you wish for lots of money because "That would cause inflation."

I just want my stinking wish, man.



Monday, November 5, 2007

Net Minder

You know how, when you are a kid, people ask you what you want to be when you grow up? I used to say, I want to be the guy in tennis matches who puts his finger on the net for serves, to make sure the ball doesn't touch it. But, now that I am grown up, they have a computer to do that. Now, I have no purpose in life.

Friday, November 2, 2007

I heard a knock on the door...

In case you didn't notice, we had a Halloween theme going with the posts this week. So for this week's Game Time, we're gonna continue the trend. We at the Pake Shlake Band would like to hear some scaaaary Halloween stories. Or not so scary. We don't really mind. So here's the game:

Write a Halloween story (30 words or less) that begins "I heard a knock on the door..."

It can be a true story, a made up story, a ghost story, but it has to be a story. And it has to be 30 words or less. And it has to begin "I heard a knock on the door..."

Here's ours:
I heard a knock on the door. "Pizza's here," I yelled. I opened the door to find the pizza man dead on the porch. "Free pizza," I yelled.

Oooh. Scary, wasn't it? Your turn.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

The Day After

Generally, people have until January 6 before they have to take down their Christmas decorations. That's almost a good two weeks. That should give everyone plenty of time to put away their ornaments, throw away their fruitcakes, and dispose of their trees.

But I think it's an unwritten rule that people have about 5 hours to put away their Halloween decorations. Because while seeing pretty lights and signs that read "Peace on Earth" are appealing for most of the winter, nobody wants to read "OOGA BOOGA!!" on anyone's lawn in November.