Thursday, December 31, 2009

It's Almost 2010, Baby!

You know how some people say, "Wow, I can't believe it's almost 2010. I'm still getting used to writing 2009 on my checks." I think a good response to this is, "You still write checks? Pay your bills online, baby!"

Then they will say, "Don't call me baby!"

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Pucc It Up

From now on, I'm gonna take Mike's advice, and call mid-October "Explorer season."

It'll go over well with the Knights of Vespucci order I'm in charge of.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Christmas is Christmas

So I was watching TV on December 25th, and someone said, "Wishing all of you out there happy holidays!"

No. That is wrong. It's Christmas. You say "Merry Christmas" on Christmas.

That's like if on Columbus Day, someone said, "I hope everyone is enjoying the Explorer season!" Sorry, Vespucci, today is Columbus Day, you say "Happy Columbus Day." And on Christmas you say "Merry Christmas." The End.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Christmas Radio Stations

You know those radio stations that play Christmas music non-stop from like November 1st? I loved how they ended it.

One of the stations decided to keep playing Christmas tunes throughout the weekend, so the people who hadn't had enough could still listen to Trans-Siberian Orchestra on December 27th.

Another station quickly dropped the holiday music Friday morning. Who needs to hear Christmas songs on Christmas? That's what Thanksgiving's for! Instead, they started counting down the best songs of 2009, and somehow, Bing Crosby didn't make the list.

But my favorite was the station that played Christmas music all the way through the night of December 25. Then first thing on Boxing day, they started playing "The Monster Mash."

Friday, December 25, 2009

Happy Christmas!

Hello, again, and a Merry Christmas! You may have noticed that we at the Pake Shlake Band haven't posted much this week. Well, there are three reasons. 1. It snowed and it clogged up the internet roads. 2. Today is Christmas, and we had to get presents and things of the holiday nature. And 3. We're lazy.

Maybe the third reason is the most responsible, but at least we have two other reasons that we can use as an excuse. If you are really in need of some shlakeness, play the Game Time again. Or for the first time.

Anyway, we'd like to wish all of you a Happy Christmas, and we'll get back to our regularly scheduled tomfoolery next week.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Closed Due to Snow

For those of you who don't know, it snowed a lot on the East Coast this weekend. And, in Washington DC, when it snows, everything is shut down. Including blogs. Sorry, that's how we roll. Hopefully, by tomorrow they will have plowed the information superhighway that is the internet. Otherwise, we might not be able to post then, either. Sorry for the inconvenience. But not that sorry.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Weird Lyrics

Deck the halls with boughs of Game Time! Fa la la la la, etc.

Last Week's Winner

To get all of our fans in the Holiday spirit, we asked you to mash up two Christmas songs to form a new one. We got a lot of good responses, let's take a look at some of them.

First, Tony started us off with a good mashup - “I saw Mamma kissing Dominic the Donkey” about an Italian woman and the family burro. Too much uovo-nog, perhaps?

Luca, big A and Lorenzo all had some fine answers ranging from "Deck the Snowman!" to "Rudolph the Red Christmas Song" to "God Rest Ye Chipmunk," all of which came with their own stories describing the basic gists of the songs.

Russ one-upped them by providing not only the story of his new Christmas tune, but also providing a detailed description of the music video to his "We Three Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire". Unfortunately, that only earned Russ a silver medal.

Because the winner is... DBeck, a new reader who is showing up all over the Pake Shlake Band blogs, thanks to his recent commenting over at

Here was DBeck's answer:
“Grandma Got Run Over by the Little Drummer Boy”

Set to a polka, this song depicts the poor little drummer boy, late to play his gig for baby Jesus and ill-equipped to be driving due to his age, running over Grandma as she walked home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there’s no such thing as underaged percussionists driving over the elderly, but as for me and Grandpa we believe

We expect to hear that on the radio before the Holiday season is over. Or else it will be a Pake Shlake Band original song by next year.

This Week's Game

We had a Christmas theme going this week, three different posts talking about odd holiday lyrics. And one post about Obama. So, we thought we would revisit that theme in our Game Time:

What is the weirdest lyric in a Christmas song?

We are gonna go with the old classic, Frosty the Snowman. Look at the lyrics, you'll know what we mean.

Now it's your turn. We ask that you not repeat any of the ones we've already used. You can use the same song if you want, but pick a different lyric. Now, play!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

How Bizarre

The other day, Mike talked about the strange lyrics in "Winter Wonderland." Then I talked about the strange lyrics in "Silver Bells."

Well, as it turns out, one year ago today, I talked about the strange lyrics in "Here Comes Santa Claus." And then we played a Game Time game where everybody nominated their favorite strange Christmas lyrics. So today, I think it's a good time for a...FLAAAASHBAAAAACK.

Johnny on "Here Comes Santa Claus"

You know the song, “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”? Of course you do, how silly of me. Anyway, here’s the thing. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, right? So when he makes that list, why does he have to find out who’s naughty or nice? He should already know. Unless there’s some sort of exchange rate between bads and naughties that I don’t know about.

Commenter Tony on the "12 Days of Christmas"

12 Days of Christmas, pretty much any day except 5 Gold Rings.

These are gifts?
8 Maids a-milking – I’d prefer 8 maids a-cleaning, now that’s a gift
9 Ladies dancing – mail order brides?
10 Lords a-leaping – excuse me?

Commenter Zo on "The Christmas Song"

I don’t know what they say in ‘The Christmas Song’ after “…and every mother’s child ___________ to see if reindeer really know how to fly…”

-is gonna try
-is on the sly
-has gone to spy
-has got their pie
-is gone awry

Nat King Cole has the coolest, clearest, most enunciating voice ever, someone must have given him a marshmallow or something during that part.

Commenter Max on "Up on the Housetop"

Up on the housetop. Why does the boy get weapons instead of toys? Hammer and tacks, baseball bats, and whips sound like a nasty combination.

Commenter Emily on "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"

For me it is the entire song “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” I mean, why is it okay that Santa is a home-wrecker in that song? And why would Daddy laugh if he saw Mommy kissing a stranger in the middle of the night in the family home? I think some other response would be more natural. There is something wrong with that song.

Commenter Elizabeth on "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)"

In the beginning to “Happy Christmas (War Is Over)” it has Yoko saying “Happy Christmas Yoko” and then John says “Happy Christmas John”…..why are they wishing themselves a merry christmas? That is just rude.

Turns out, Emily won that Game Time with the whole Mommy smooching St. Nick thing. That's just weird.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Silver Bells

Since Mike started talking about Christmas songs, I'm gonna follow suit.

You know the song "Silver Bells?" Here are some lyrics:

Strings of street lights,
Even stop lights,
Blink a bright red and green

Wait a second. You're saying stop lights are red and green? WOW!! Everyone really decorates for Christmas.

Hey look they put up Christmas trees in the forest!

And wow all the radio towers have these blinking red lights on top!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Needy Wonderland

You know the Christmas song "Winter Wonderland"? It's a classic holiday tune, but listen to the first line:

Sleigh bells ring. Are you listening?

Sounds like the singer has some confidence issues. Maybe the first verse should go like this:

Sleigh bells ring. Are you listening?
In the lane. Pay attention to me!
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight.
I'm talking, can you look at me?

And if that weren't proof enough, remember when he builds the snowmen?

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
And pretend that he is Parson Brown.
He'll say, "Are you married?" We'll say, "No, man."
"But you can do the job when you're in town."

What kind of loser builds a snowman and pretends it's a reverend? Who then makes him feel guilty for being single? And the next one:

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
And pretend that he's a circus clown.
We'll have lots of fun with Mr. Snowman,
Until the other kiddies knock him down.

What type of person anticipates other kids destroying his snowman? A needy loser, that's who.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Christmas Mash-Ups

It's beginning to look a lot like Game Time!

Last Week's Winner

Last week, we played the PSB Original Game Little-Known Facts. Well, a few people played. Not many. It was kind of boring. We'll declare Tony the winner since he was the first to respond.

We would wish Tony congratulations, but his win was not based on merit, and merit-less wins are hollow. Like tree trunks. Or swim trunks. Anyway, non-congratulations to Tony, a nod to Lorenzo, and a shake of the fist to the rest of you.

This Week's Game

We are rapidly approaching Christmas, and as you may have noticed, holiday carols are filling the airwaves. And have been for about a month now.

A few Christmases ago, we asked you about an odd duet for a Christmas carol. This year, we are asking you a similar type of mash-up:

Combine two Christmas songs into one and describe what it is about.

We would combine "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" and "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" to get "Santa Claus is Coming for My Two Front Teeth," a song about an elf who owes Santa money, can't pay, and is now fearing retaliation. A classic Christmas/Mobster tune.

Your turn. Mash it up!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


While we're writing a letter to Mother Nature, I'd like to add something. (You know I'm very much against wasting stamps. I intend to make my forever stamps true to their name.)

If we could add a little postscript action to that letter, here is what I would like it to say:


Have you ever thought of coming up with any new kinds of precipitation? My vote would be for ice cream.

And you could call it a really goofy name so the weathermen would always feel silly when they have to give the forecast. "Tomorrow, expect heavy amounts of Tooty Frooty Droppy Ploppies. The last time it Tooty Frooty Droppy Plopped this badly, schools had to be delayed for fear of excessive shoving in the playground."

You can come up with your own name though. Tooty Frooty Droppy Ploppying was just a suggestion.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Open Letter

Does anyone else get a little upset that its 20 degrees outside, there's snow on the ground, and yet somehow winter doesn't start for another two weeks? I'm thinking we should take this complaint straight to the top, with an open letter.

Dear Mother Nature,

Hello. Sorry I haven't written in a while, I have been kind of busy.

How is everything? How's work? Actually, that's what I'm writing about. I know that you have been doing this stuff a long time, longer than I've been around, and I respect that.

But, I think sometimes you can be a little old-fashioned. I understand that in the old days, the solstice was when you decided we should start winter. But there's snow on the ground, Mom! It's coooold! There is no way this is autumn! All the leaves have already fallen! It's winter, whether your solstice is here or not!

So, I think you should call this winter, and forget the old ways. Join the new millennium. Ok, that's all. Give Father Time my best.

Your Son,

Monday, December 7, 2009

Rocket Science

You know how some people say "It's not rocket science" when they're talking about something that shouldn't be too complicated? I don't get it. Is rocket science supposed to be that difficult?

You light the fuse, the thing goes up. End of story.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Black Friday Facts

'Tis the season to play Game Time! Fa la la la la la la la la!

Last Week's Winner

There is no winner from last week, primarily because there was no Game Time last week. Last Friday was the day after Thanksgiving, and you know how that is: Shopping, sleeping, lounging around the house. So we were too busy to post. But, there was a Game Time two weeks ago, so we could probably still pick a winner for that one.

Two Weeks Ago's Winner

Two weeks ago, we played the PSB Original Game Bests and Worsts, and asked for a person with the best name-appropriate occupation. We were thinking of picking Joey Bag of Donuts as our winner, but then he demanded victory, at which point we said, "No way, Jose!" which is appropriate since Jose is Joseph in espanol. Anyway, he doesn't win for the simple reason that he said he should, which was probably true anyway.

That means Elizabeth is the winner! She snuck in under the wire, posting yesterday, which was theoretically six days late. So, you posted late and would have lost if Joey hadn't been rude. But you somehow managed to win anyway! That's the true definition of a champion! Well done.

This Week's Game

Well, it's after Thanksgiving, which means the Christmas season is upon us! Last Friday was "Black Friday," the unofficial kickoff for holiday shopping. We would have posted about it last week, but we were to busy shopping, sleeping, lounging, you know how it is. But, the point is the holiday season is upon us, and what better way to kick of the holidays than with a Game Time?

We at the Pake Shlake Band have our fair share of PSB Original Games, in fact, we have a monopoly on PSB Original Games. If you know anyone else who has PSB Original Games, report them to the authorities. Or us. We'll take care of them. Heh heh.

Anyway, we were looking through our records and found that we haven't played Little-Known Facts in a while. So let's!

Give us a little-known fact about Black Friday.

Here is ours:
On Black Friday, the one millionth customer to enter a Target store gets a great deal on a TV. But, so do the first 999,999.

Wow, we didn't know that. Did you? Give us your little-known facts in the comments.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Towels and Bowels

Did you ever notice that the words "towel" and "bowel" rhyme? I mean, you probably knew it but never thought about it.

Anyway, so that can be confusing when your friend comes to you and says, "I was at the beach the other day, and this guy's bowels were all over the sand."

Then you'd be like, "Ewww." But then you'd realize he probably said towels and not bowels, so you say, "Wow, that's not cool that he was taking up so much space with his towels."

Then your friend says, "No, I said bowels. It was really gross."

Then you say, "Ewww."

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


It's time for a...FLAAAAAASH......BAAAACK.

And, I suppose, also time for lots of capital As.

One year ago, Mike talked about the mighty bulwark. Wanna see?


Monday, November 30, 2009


Personally, I don't think anybody calls him a space cowboy.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Give Thanks for Napkins

Do you think at the first Thanksgiving they had paper napkins with turkeys on them?

I'm thinking, yes.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Scrooby Snacks

Thanksgiving is only a few days away, so what better time for some good old pilgrim history? No better time, that's when.

You all basically know the story - Pilgrims (i.e. people with silly clothes) didn't like what was going on in England re: religion so they hopped on a big boat, sailed to "India," met up with the "Indians," shared some "Indian" cuisine, settled in for the long haul, invited some friends over, killed the "Indians" with disease and gunpowder, and decided to make it a tradition to eat lots of food every November.

But what you didn't know was that the pilgrims (i.e. people with silly clothes) originally came from a town in England called Scrooby. Like Scrooby Doo. No wonder they liked turkey sandwiches so much.

Friday, November 20, 2009

The Right Man for the Job

It's the week before Thanksgiving. You know what that means?

Game Time!

Last Week's Winner

Last week, after Johnny talked about cereal icons, we decided to have a PSB Original Game Mashup: Bests and Worsts meets Ad Geniuses.

Here were Some of the Answers for the Worst Cereal and Ad Campaign. If you noticed, we just capitalize Random words Around Here.

Tony and Luca started us off with some 'our cereal is too sweet and unhealthy' ads. Tony went with "Sweet Fleet" a cereal marketed by Captain Cavity, while Luca came up with "Better Letters" whose spokesmen were the letters O, B, C, and D. Get it? OBCD, obesity, ABCD, alphabet?

Anyway, while both good answers, they have to lose because Captain Cavity would get in a fight with Cap'n Crunch, and the obese letters would not get along with the Alpha-bits, and basically all hell would break loose. And broken-loose hell is not a part of your complete balanced breakfast.

DJ and Joey Bag of Donuts came up with some cereal ideas for a more mature crowd with "Chocoholic" and "Jumpin Jesus Flakes". With taglines like "Chocolate is my favorite addiction!" and "when the son of God eats his cereal, he changes the milk into wine!", how can your cereal not be a hit? If not a hit, at least a slap. In the face of Christians and alcoholics everywhere.

And that leaves Sam as the winner this week with his cereal "Crunchy Critters" Nothing sells cereal like a constantly foiled cartoon character with a cute catchphrase.

"Everything is better when it crunches!"

This Week's Game

The other day...let's see...why it was Wednesday...Mike mentioned going to a gym owned by a couple guys named Jim, aka the Jims' Gym. That gave us an idea.

It's time for another round of the PSB Original Game Bests and Worsts. All you got to do is come up with an answer for this:

Best name that matches your occupation.

Here's our answer: Dan Sinmasheen. He's a professional dancer.

Whatchoo got?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

9 Minutes of Joy

You know how people say, "You snooze, you lose"? Well, I have an addendum to add at the end... um.

You snooze, you lose. I snooze, I win.

You can't beat 9 extra minutes of sleep.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Jim's Gym

I think everyone who works at a gym should be named Jim. That way you can say "I'm going to the gym" or "I'm going to the Jims" and still be right.

In fact, all occupations should only be allowed to hire workers with the same name. But, I guess that would make me a microphone. Never mind.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


I got a great idea. I'm gonna make sandwich rolls made with cucumbers.

I'll call them Cucumber-Buns, and that way when people are looking to buy accessories for their tuxedos, they'll think I'm selling cummerbunds, but it'll really be a bread product.

Then they'll find them delicious and encourage all of their friends to go and buy some to go with their cucumber sandwiches that they're going to eat with afternoon tea. At that point, I'll switch it up, and start selling cummerbunds instead, but keeping the name the same. Then those friends will want cucumber rolls, but they'll get those silly belt type things and they'll be completely confused and disappointed.

Yes folks, I always think it's good business to confuse and disappoint your clientele.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Cereal Slogans

It's Grrrrrrrame Time!
Shlakes are for kids?
Cooookie Crisp?

Last Week's Winner

Last Wednesday, the Yankees won the World Series, so last Friday we played the PSB Original Game, Headliners, where you had to think of a clever headline chronicling the World Series victory.

Sam gave us a lot of responses. We particularly liked "Godzilla Defeats Mothra!" But, since Chump Utley's nickname is not, in fact, Mothra, Sam doesn't win.

Joey Bag of Donuts gave a shout out to the Hairston family, but since Jerry Hairston Jr. isn't really that good, and we have no evidence that Jerry Hairston III even exists, Joey can't win. Sorry!

But this week's winner is Mama Meg, as her headline accurately summarized the sentiment of many people around the country, especially most Nats fans: "Baseball Season Finally Over!" Well done, Meg! You should work for a newspaper. A cynical newspaper.

This Week's Game

This week, Johnny poked fun at cereals aimed at adults, saying all cereals should have a cute cartoon character hawking their product. But, as Johnny mentioned, the mascot is not always a character in upstanding character. So, we thought we would change this up and combine two of our games into one. We mashed up the PSB Original Games Bests and Worsts and Ad Geniuses to get this game:

Come up with an ad campaign that features the worst cartoon character for a cereal.

Ours is this: A cereal called Sugary Spartans has a Greek man named Diabetes selling the product.


Thursday, November 12, 2009

K of V

I think I'm gonna start a new fraternal order and call it the Knights of Vespucci. You know after Amerigo Vespucci, namesake of America, discovered by Columbus, namesake of Knights of Columbus, inspiration for Knights of Vespucci?

On second thought, I probably won't.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Saluting America's Heroes

For those of you who don't know, today is Veteran's Day, a day when all Americans salute the brave men and women in our military.

Figuratively salute, of course, since it would be silly to literally salute because the soldiers wouldn't be able to see you.

Unless, of course, there actually is a veteran in front of you, in which case you can literally salute our veterans.

Unless, of course, the veteran finds that condescending. In which case, in order to salute our veterans you should not salute our veterans, since saluting our veterans would be insulting our veterans.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


Anyone else find cereal commercials targeted at adults just strange?

I don't care if it's got fiber. Give me a cartoon character who loves eating it, and I will buy your cereal. It doesn't matter if he's a leprechaun, a vampire, a pirate, a criminal, or an annoying woodland creature. I want my cereal to be awesome, not healthy.

And it doesn't have to taste like apples.

Friday, November 6, 2009

World Series Headlines

For it's one, two, three strikes your out at the old Game Time!

Last Week's Winner

Halloween was last Saturday, and in honor of the ocasión we played a little game where you had to come up with a spooooooky story. Thing is, you had to start the story with "I was in the graveyard when…"

Look at the answers yourselves if you want to, but some weird stuff happened with everybody forgetting the "when" and then re-posting their old comment with some misspelled form of "proofread" at the beginning and then adding in the "when" all at the same time in the early morning.

We at the Pake Shlake Band call shenanigans. Bad shenanigans. Not good shenanigans.

Big A wins. End of discussion.

This Week's Game

So the World Series took place this week, and six games later, we have a new world champion (if you consider the United States the "world" and a team with 27 championships as "new").

Anyway, since "new" "world" "champions" seems like big news to us, we've decided to play a round of the PSB Original Game, Headliners. You remember how to play? You'll figure it out. Here's the news summary:

The New York Yankees won their 27th World Series Championship on Wednesday, defeating the Philadelphia Phillies 7-3 in Game 6 at Yankee Stadium. It was the first year the Yankees have played at the new Yankee Stadium after closing the stadium of the same name built in 1923 after last season. Despite Phillies' 2nd baseman Chase Utley tying Reggie Jackson for most home runs in a World Series with five, Philadelphia could not come back from trailing the series 3-1. Hideki Matsui became the 1st ever Japanese born World Series MVP after hitting in six of the seven runs in Game 6. It was the first World Series championship for the Yankees since 2000, as it marked Alex Rodriguez's first and the fifth for Derek Jeter, Andy Pettitte, Jorge Posada, and Mariano Rivera.

And now our headline for this article? Here it is:
Jeter and Rodriguez Get Rings for Thumb; ARod Starts With Thumb To Look Cool

Let's see if the PSB can't crown a "new" "Headliners" "world" "champion".

Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Long Awaited Sequel

I just heard some amazing news. They are completing the trilogy. There were two classic movies many years ago, and now they are making a third. I couldn't be happier.

They're making Three Men and a Bride.

My dreams are finally coming true.

And now I just learned (as I'm writing this - if you believe a little bit of exaggeration) that they're also trying to make a Ghostbusters III.

Now if only they would ever complete Land Before Time XIV.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


It's time for a little fireside chat.

Senza the fire ifyouknowwhatimsayin'

Z: what's up?
you called before.

Shlakes: Oh yeah, I was in the car.
Z: whatd you want?
Shlakes: I wanted to know how to spell moustache.
Z: moustache
Shlakes: yeah, but i think it might might be mustache
Z: mustache
moustache is better

Shlakes: thats what i think
apparently its just a variant

Z: weird
i guess its also pronounced mus-stache
not moose-stache
maybe thats why

Shlakes: haha
moose have moustaches
muskrats have mustaches

Z: hmm
Shlakes: and the monkeys at meerkat manor have macho man marmot-staches
Z: hmm

Monday, November 2, 2009

Leftover Candy

Halloween has come and gone, but the candy remains. Now, I'm too old to go trick-or-treating, so I've gotten into the habit of buying extra candy so I have some leftovers once the trick-or-treaters are gone.

But, sometimes I'm afraid that there won't be enough left. So, I've also gotten into the habit of turning off my lights and bringing my pumpkin in, so no one comes to my door.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Graveyard Stories

It's the end of Halloweek. That can only mean one thing: Game Time!

Last Week's Winner

Last week, Johnny made a "sentence" using each letter of the alphabet exactly once. But since his "sentence" was really just a random assortment of words, he gave a picture to try to explain it. And, we asked you to create a funny caption for the picture in the PSB Original Game, Say What?. Let's look at the responses.

First off, Elizabeth and Tony, whose captions were "Eat More Chicken" and "I should probably mooooove" both lose. We said no cow jokes!

Next, Lorenzo and Luca both had play on words, one about Colonel Sanders and the other about X's, O's and oxen. They were clever, but they don't win.

We narrowed it down to two: Russ' caption, "…and the ox goes for the hail-gravy pass…!!" and Tony's second response, "After this play Dan Snyder has banned all condiments from Fed Ox Field." In general, we approve of all jokes insulting Dan Synder. However, we are still a little mad at Tony for his cow joke, so Russ gets the "W"! Good job, Rwuss!

This Week's Game

For those of you who don't know, tomorrow is Halloween, and we at the Pake Shlake Band have been honoring that fact with Halloweek, a week full of posts. And it wouldn't be Halloweek if we didn't play a spooky Game Time!

As has been our tradition on Halloween, we give you the start of a scary short story, and you write it. The catch? It has to be a really short story. Here's your intro:

Write a Halloween story (50 words or less) that begins with “I was in the graveyard when...”

Here is our story:

I was in the graveyard when the church clock struck 12. I looked around. "Oh, no!" I screamed. I started running. I ran as fast as I could, looking wildly around in every direction. But, to no avail. I could not find my lunch.

And I was getting hungry too.

Ooh! He was in the graveyard at noon and couldn't find his lunch! Oooh! Scaaaary!

Now, it's your turn.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Scary Costume

Unlike Johnny, I still haven't decided what to go as for Halloween. I have a rule that it has to be scary. For example, last year I went as a recycling bin.

Now, maybe you're thinking, that's not scary. Ahh, but I went as an empty recycling bin. Oooh! No one's recycling! Global warming!! Oooh! Scaaary!!!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Halloween Party in the USA

I think I'm gonna go as Miley Cyrus for Halloween. I'll just wear a cardigan and some sneakers and move my hips like "Yeah!"

Friday, October 23, 2009

Say Ox?

Gate Mime? Magi Meet? Game Time!

Last Week's Winner

We played the PSB Original Game Bests And Worsts last week, asking you to come up with the worst name for a band. Let's look at the best, or should we say worst, responses.

Big A thought "the Cacaphonies" would be an awful name, and we concur. But, his tagline overdid it. Bands don't really have taglines. So that answer doesn't win.

Sam posted two answers, "The Off-Keys" and "The Flat Heads". Eh.

Luca came close with his response of "The Beach Boys." That's a pretty dumb name for a band, but since the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame doesn't agree, that answer doesn't win, either.

Which means that Elizabeth wins with her group, "The Deaftones." Get it? Like the Deftones, but deaf. Well done, Elizabeth!

This Week's Game

Yesterday, Johnny decided to use all the letters in the alphabet exactly once to make a sentence about gravy and ox and blitz-jump. And since he had a drawing to go along with it, we thought we would play the PSB Original Game, Say What?, where your job is to come up with a funny caption to a picture.

Here's the picture:

Now, come up with a funny caption. Here's ours:

All this gravy and me with no mashed potatoes!

See? Easy. And we're sure your responses will be funnier than that one.

So, please put your captions in the comments. And please, no jokes about how the ox really looks like a cow. Johnny has always been very sensitive about his ox representations, and we don't want to fracture his ego further.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Alphabet Efficiency

You know the sentence, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"? It uses every letter in the alphabet, and so it's sometimes used to test fonts.

The thing is it uses like 30-something letters (I'm too lazy to count) and it uses the letter 'O' something like five times (too lazy, again).

If you're gonna make a sentence that uses every letter in the alphabet, then that sentence had better be 26 letters. Like this:

Q: When'd KFC's gravy blitz-jump ox?


Now, that's what I call efficient.

(PS: How can I be too lazy to count the letters in a sentence, but I can come up with a sentence using the entire alphabet?)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Anybody remember the mneumonic device - yes, I threw out mneumonic - to remember the planets? I keep saying,

My Very Own Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas.

True, Pluto's not a planet anymore, so we need to update that. But the bigger issue is that Earth does not start with the letter O. So I must be remembering it wrong.

I couldn't find anything definitive using Google - some said Earnest, some said Energetic, some said Educated, some said Eager, some said Excellent.

One even said she served us Pickles instead of Pizza. That one should be "My Very Evil Mother."

Anyway, so since Google let me down, I turned to my source-of-all-knowledge, and it did not disappoint. Check this oooouuuuut: Planetary mnemonic.

First thing you should notice is that I spelled mnemonic wrong. I guess I got it confused with mneumonia.

Anyway, the Wikigods say that it was Earnest until some losers changed it to Educated and took away the Pizza. I guess only us uneducated folks like to enjoy tasty cheesy goodness.

But now that there's no Pluto, it's all about Nachos:

My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nachos.

Hmm, education + cheesy food = not bad.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Bad Band Names

It is time for games. It is time for game. Singular. Game Time.

Last Week's Winner

This past Monday was Columbus Day (to honor Columbus, we didn't post), and last week's Game Time was centered around his infamous voyage in 1492. We played the PSB Original Game Headliners, asking you to give us a clever headline. Let's take a look at the newspaper-worthy submissions.

Sam seems to have restarted his trend of posting right under the deadline, but since this is a game about newspaper headlines, we think that's appropriate. His "Santa Maria!" headline was funny but not particularly descriptive. He probably would have needed a sub-headline to win with it. And since he didn't have one, he doesn't. Win, that is.

Lorenzo and Joey had a nice back and forth about cities named after Columbus, but we felt that was a little too modern. We were looking for headlines from the 15th century, not the 19th century.

Tony's headline was perhaps a foreshadowing of future events, "Columbus Reaches New World, Natives Restless." This was funny, but it doesn't win. So who does?

Why, Nick, of course! We thought his headline, "Suicidal Columbus Will Fall Off Earth’s Edge!" accurately summed up the sentiment in Europe at the time. Nice job, Nick!

This Week's Game

Earlier this week, Mike talked about the murderous video and the Buggles who paid tribute to said video.

Well, that got us thinking. Buggles is a pretty silly name for a band. So, we thought we should play the PSB Original Game, Bests and Worsts. Here's your game:

Worst name for a band.

We think the worst name would be the Off-keys.

What do you think? Post, my friends, post!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

We Find Video...Guilty!

You know the Buggles? They sing the song "Video Killed the Radio Star." Is it ironic that I have no idea what the Buggles look like?

I think it is. So I looked them up. It turns out I was lucky I didn't know what the Buggles looked like.

PS Which of those two dudes is the one who sings the "Oh ah oh!" part?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Phoney Customer Service

I love how when I'm on the phone with some company, they always tell me (while I'm on hold waiting for a real person) that I can find the information I need on their website. Obviously the information I need is not on your website or why else would I be calling? You think I don't know how to find find something online? I found Pandamonium; I can find anything.

I can't tell which is better:

A) When I'm on the phone with my Internet provider because I can't access the web, and they tell me to go online

B) When whoever I'm on the phone with tells me to go to their "internet page site" at "http colon back slash back slash www dot whatever dot com dash help dash support dot html" and enter "keyword support"

C) They don't even have a website anymore. They just don't want to answer the phone.

I kinda like C the best. That's what I'd do if I ever had to provide some kinda support.

Friday, October 9, 2009


Hey hey, you you, I don't like your Game Time. You don't???
No way, no way, I think you need a new one. That's not a bad idea.

Last Week's Winner

Last Friday, we played a round of the PSB Original Game, Bests and Worsts, all about state songs. You had to come up with the worst songs about United States states and you didn't disappoint point.

We heard everything from real songs about states (“Delaware”) to real songs not even remotely about states but for some reason adopted by states (“Hang On Sloopy”) to real songs with the titles twisted to sound like they're about states (“You're So Maine”) to songs by artists whose names sounds like states (Hannah Montana) to completely made up songs (“I Need to Know, so Alaska”).

That makes it kinda hard to pick the winner, so we have to dig a little deeper to find out the cream of the crop. You see, sometimes the cream doesn't rise to the top, and you have to dig further down into the muck.

David submitted a youtube video to go along with his submission while Big A sent along the lyrics.

Sam submitted two responses, including runner-up “Deep in the Heart past the Aorta through the Coronary Artery of Texas”.

But the winner is... Sonny with the answer “Raise Up” by Petey Pablo, whose real name Sonny pointed out is Moses Barrett III.

How Moses turns into Petey, Barrett turns into Pablo, and a song about taking your shirt off in North Carolina turns into a Top 25 hit are all mysteries to us. But it earned Sonny a victory.

This Week's Game

For those of you who don't know, this Monday is Columbus Day. Observed. So, we thought we would dedicate this week's Game Time to Christopher Columbus. Observed. We're playing the PSB Original Game, Headliners, where this week your goal is to come up with a clever headline to the following article about Columbus. Observed.

On October 12th, Christopher Columbus and his crew landed in the New World. Sailing for King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain, Columbus took three ships, the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria, across the Atlantic Ocean in hopes of finding a water route to India. Columbus himself was convinced that he had in fact reached India, but it was clear that he had not. A newly unknown land has been discovered.

Your goal: To come up with a headline for this article. BUT, as we like to do with articles summarizing events from way back, you should write a headline that could have run in the time of Columbus. Observed. Here's ours:

A couple days ago, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

It doesn't have quite the same ring, but I'm sure Gutenberg would print it. (Johannes, not Steve. Well, Steve would probably print it, too.) Anyway, post your headlines honoring Columbus in the comments. Observed.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

We're Two!

Can you believe it? turns two today!

If you've noticed, since last year, we've grown necks and slightly more realistic arms. What a difference a year makes.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Duck Confusion

I find people who get Donald Duck and Daffy Duck confused to be the stupidest people in the world.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Raving Reviews

So a few weeks back, Mike wrote a post about nuts and how it's strange that we use the same word for a tasty salty snack and for a piece of metal found in a toolbox.

Well, I guess there's a massive audience for mildly amusing play-on-words involving grocery store and hardware store items because he's received 50 comments in the past couple days, and they all are nothing short of raving.

"Perfect work!", "Great. Now i can say thank you!", and "Very cute :-))))" are just some of the responses he's received, and after posting over 150 times on this site, I'm disappointed I have yet to receive such positive feedback.

I guess I'll have to write more about animal cracker monkey wrenches or something.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Sing It, Nebraska

The Time for the Game is now.

Last Week's Winner

Last week, we played another round of the PSB Original Game, Little Known Facts. This time it was all about the United Nations, as we asked everybody to tell us a little known "fact" about the ol' U.N. An example would be, "No one has ever referred to the United Nations as 'the ol' U.N.'"

But that's just an example. Here were your answers.

Lorenzo and Luca talked too much about Tommy Lasorda. They lose.

Pep made a joke about D.C. United's press releases. That's funny. If you read D.C. United press releases. He loses.

Max said the ol' U.N. would have given in to Dr. Evil's terrorist demands. That little known fact is almost too-facty. At least, we believe they woulda done it. So he loses.

Joey Bag of Donuts might have won if he hadn't first insulted Boutros Boutros, or as he as affectionately known, the ol B.B. But he did insult him, so Joey cannot win.
(It's in the Little Known Facts official rulebook, right after you can't mention Tommy Lasorda)

So who's the winner? Is it Elizabeth or is it Tony?

It's Tony with his Little Known Fact, "There are only 2 places in the United States of America where another flag can be flown above the U.S. Flag. One is U.N. Headquarters, the other is McDonald’s."

So good for him. And good for Grimace.

This Week's Game

So yesterday, Mike intentionally unintentionally offended West Virginia and Alabama by unintentionally intentionally praising the famous songs about them. He said something about the best songs and the worst states, and that naturally brought to mind the PSB Original Game Bests and Worsts.

So let's play it. Play what? Bests and Worsts, of course. With this topic:

Worst song about a state.

Hmm... worst song about a state, eh? Lemme think here....Oooh

We Built Minnesota on Rock and Roll

See? The song does not have to be a REAL song, but it has to be like, KINDOFASONG. Anyway, it's your turn to play. Come up with something song-related, state-related, or both, and post it in the comments.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Well I Heard ol' Mike Put Her Down...

No disrespect to West Virginia and Alabama, but why do the two worst states in the Union get the two best songs? I mean, you never hear people singing "In the Lovely Land of Florida," but do you know anyone who would rather live in Mobile or Morgantown instead of Miami?

Oh, and before, when I said "No disrespect to West Virginia and Alabama," I meant, "I'm about to disrespect West Virginia and Alabama. Big Time."

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Life as a Tree

Johnny TreeI bet it must be pretty cool to be a tree. I mean you can just grow your hair out and then to shave all you have to do is sit there and wait for Fall.

I guess the only problem would be that birds would sit on you all the time, but I can live with that.

And loggers.

Monday, September 28, 2009


I was thinking to myself, "Wouldn't a cartoon about pandas called "Pandamonium" be awesome?"

Then I thought, "That's too obvious; I bet someone else already thought of that." So I googled it.

Then I found this.

Pandamonium was a 1982-83 animated series that aired on CBS.

When an evil alien named Mondraggor attempted to steal an ancient object called the Pyramid of Power, the pyramid shattered into many pieces, which scattered around the world. Each week, Mondraggor would race against two human siblings, Peter and Peggy Darrow, who were accompanied by three talking pandas named Chesty, Timothy, and Algernon, who were irradiated by the Pyramid's magic. The three of them could unite to form Poppapanda, a being with supernatural power.

Then I didn't even know what to think.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Little Known Knations

What time be it? Game Time! Arrr!

Last Week's Winner

It be our last meetin' when we played the PSB Arrr-iginal Game, Bests and Worsts. We asked ye landlubbers ter come up with a fittin' replacement for a hand, if ye be havin' the misfortune of losin' it. We be takin' a look at yer lily-livered responses.

Firstly, we be wantin' ter extend a shout-out ter all ye cockroachers who ended yer post with "Arrr" or some variant. It be pleasin' ter the captains. Especially when in the rest of yer comments, there was nary a sign of pirate speak. We say ter ye, "Avast!"

Next, we be turnin' ter Big A. His answer be scissors, and 'tis a fine choice. But, it still be a tad too sharp fer the likes of us, especially if we be havin' an itch on the nose.

Tony be sayin' a Wii remote would suffice. Aye, 'tis true, but batteries be scarce on the high seas. Even scarcer than Wii's. So, nay, Tony shan't be the winner.

But, we be decidin' that the winner be...Pep! Arr, his choice of a fryin' pan be just the thing ter fry a fish caught out on the briny, or ter smack the face of an intruder. And who among ye could turn down pancakes? Aye, Pep be the winner! Huzzah!

This Week's Game

Unfortunately, this Saturday is not International Talk Like a Pirate Day. It's not even International talk Like a Hispanic Day. However, the United Nations is holding a summit, and that at least has some international flair to it.

But in general, UN Summits are not the most interesting. For example, the UN Security Council just had a resolution to say nuclear weapons are bad. Snoozer! So, to liven things up, we're going to play another round of the PSB Original Game, Little-Known Facts, the game where you make up something and pass it on as fact.

Give us a little-known fact about the United Nations.

Here's ours:
The United Nations was incorrectly spelled the Untied Nations in the founding documents. The typo was not found until 1956 and it took two resolutions before the name was officially corrected.

Now it's your turn. Remember, we have a loose interpretation of "fact" and of "quotation marks".

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Captain Spatula

So I was thinking about this week's Game Time, and I realized it's a lucky coincidence that Captain Hook chose a hook to replace his hand. I mean, I can only assume his name was Captain Hook even before Peter Pan fed his hand to the crocodile.

Like maybe he wanted a spatula, but he chose a hook just so he wouldn't have to answer questions about his name being Hook yet having a spatula instead of a hand.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Not Too Many Maynards Either

You know what name you don't hear too often anymore? Gilligan.

I wonder if it's because parents don't want their children to be associated with a bumbling half-wit who wrecks anything he comes into contact with, yet who somehow remains lovable in a unique even-though-you-ruin-everything-you-still-mean-well sort of way.

Either that or because it has too many 'G's.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Five By

Five ByWhenever I'm driving, I keep an eye out for people who have their windows down and their arm resting outside. If I spot one, I quickly roll down my window and try to give them a high five.

It hasn't worked yet.



Friday, September 18, 2009

Bests and Worrrrrrsts

Yo ho, yo ho, a Game Time's life for me!

Last Week's Winner

Soapy shirts were the subject of last week's Game Time, where we asked you to come up with a clever slogan in the PSB Original Game Ad Geniuses. Let's have a look at your marketing ideas.

Lorenzo's slogan was: "The best thing to happen to Soap since that weird show with Billy Crystal." that's pretty funny, but in general you don't want "weird" in your ad campaign, so he doesn't win.

Sam returned this week for a pair of under the wire responses. The pitch "Soap shirts: Wrinkle-Free!" was clever, but we feel it doesn't really sell the soapy aspect of it, which is a fair point.

So, the winner is Max, with his slogan: "Soap Shirts – Giving Dryclean a Whole New Meaning." Ah, that's the ticket. Well done, Max!

This Week's Game

Arr, now we be turnin' ter this week's game. As Johnny a'ready been alertin' ye, tomorrow be International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Aye, 'tis true. If ye be rememberin', 'twas a year ago we played a rousin' round of Game Time honorin' the saltiest seadogs that ever sailed the Seven Seas. Aye, and today we be playin' a pirate-themed PSB Original Game, Bests and Worsts. Here be yer topic:

Best thing to have in place of your hand.

Aye, most pirates be choosin' a hook, but 'taint no good use for a hook. Ye can't answer yer iPhone and ye can't flip pancakes! Nay, a hook be no good.

We say ye ought better ter have a spatula. Aye, ye can't answer a phone, but you can flip pancakes, a swashbuckin' treat on the high seas.

Now it be yer turn. Post yer scurvy comments, you landlubbin' bilge rats!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


You know how the word "nuts" can refer to either the thing you use with bolts to keep things together or the tasty treat? Well, I think they should start making nuts out of nuts, so when you are working in the garage and get hungry, you can eat one of the nuts.

And that way, if you walk into a room and someone says, "Hey, can you give me a nut?" you don't have to say, "Which kind? The thing with a bolt or the tasty treat?" You can just say, "Here's a nut!"

It's around this time that you are probably thinking, "Mike, you're nuts!"
I may be nuts, but at least I don't have to worry about which kind.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

International Day

So this upcoming Saturday is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Now I don't want to bash it, because I think it's awesome, but how did they get away with that? I mean, you couldn't get away with having an International Talk Like a Latino Day.

It would be too hard for the Russians to pronounce anything.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Time and Thyme Again

The other day I left my cell phone in the car so I asked Johnny if he had the time. He gave me an herb.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Soapy Slogans

Once upon a Game Time...

Last Week's Winner

We played the PSB Original Game Bests and Worsts last week, where you had to think of the worst excuse for not doing your homework. We had a lot of bad excuses, but only one can win, so let's take a look.

Mama Meg said she didn't do her homework because she was working on the extra credit instead. Well, that's pretty bad, but she is still doing schoolwork, so it could be worse.

Luca said he can't start his homework until he finishes his summer reading. That's a bad excuse, but he loses for the same reason as Meg. Schoolwork of any kind is frowned upon here at the Pake Shlake Band.

Lorenzo couldn't complete his homework since he was honoring Michael Jackson's passing. That is a bad excuse, but only because Michael Jackson died like a month ago. In general, a moment of silence to commemorate heroes is commendable. So, Lorenzo's answer doesn't win.

Now, without further ado, the winner is KJ! Yes, a newcomer to wins for the answer, "No time for homework. Spent all week trying to come up with clever slogan for imaginary board game about horses." Spending too much time on instead of doing homework? That is, indeed, a horrible excuse. Congratulations, KJ!

This Week's Game

Earlier in the week, Mike said that clothes should be made out of soap. Well, that sounds like a pretty dumb idea, but that's never stopped Americans from buying into it anyway. All it needs is a clever ad campaign. So, we think it's time for another edition of the PSB Original Game, Ad Geniuses.

Come up with an ad slogan for shirts made entirely out of soap.

Here's our pitch:

Soap Shirts - With shirts like these, who needs deodorant?

OK, now it's your turn. Post your ideas in the comments, and maybe you will be the brains behind the new biggest thing in fashion. But, don't count on it.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Soapy Clothes

I was thinking, we live in an advanced society. We have airplanes, the internet, Snickers bars, but we still have to wash our clothes. Why have we not invented clothes that don't get dirty? So I started thinking about it.

What about suits of armor? Well, those would be uncomfortable, but it's a small price to pay for cleanliness. But, then I thought, I bet coffee would still stain a suit of armor. Is there anything that coffee wouldn't get dirty? And then I thought of it. Soap!

Yes, we should make our clothes out of soap! Soap gets things clean! You would never have to do laundry again! It's perfect. Sure, the washer and dryer lobbyists will try to stop it, but you'd think the soap lobby would at least try to float the idea, see if gets public support. Besides, who enjoys doing laundry? Nobody. Except maybe woodland creatures near the cottage of the Seven Dwarfs. So, it's a perfect idea.

And, yes, both the washer and dryer industry and the soap industry have lobbyists.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


You ever have the internet die on you when you were sending an email or playing a game or just "surfing the net" as hipsters used to call it? (They may still call it that, but I doubt they are still hipsters. Kneesters maybe.)

Well when my internet connection goes out, I usually try to get it to start again, then try to steal someone else's wifi, and then sit and mope, wondering what I could possibly do without internet access.

But then I think, "Wait a second!" Then I wait a second. Then I continue thinking, "What did our ancestors do before we had this new technology?" And then I go watch Cartoon Network.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Or or Our

As many of you know, we at the Pake Shlake Band try not to post anything on holidays. We loosely define a holiday as any day that could be spelled with an "or" or an "our" in it.

Yesterday was Labor Day, and since the British would probably spell it Labour Day, that constitutes a holiday. Also there's the Fourth of July, and some confused people might spell it Forth of July. The British don't spell it like that though. They spell it "Treason Day".

Friday, September 4, 2009

No Homework

G to the Ame, T to the Ime. Or mathematically speaking, G^ame T^ime.

Come on man, superscript it up.

Game Time

Now we're talking.

Last Week's Winner

Last week, we played another round of the PSB Original Game, Ad Geniuses, where we asked you to slogan up "A Wink and a Nod" a fictitious equine-themed board game. Let's see how you did.

Loyal reader Sam had been posting a bunch of answers to our Game Time games on Thursday nights, sneaking in his answers right before the deadline, for several weeks in a row. After chastising him and denying him the victory, he didn't play this week. And that's what we at the Pake Shlake Band are all about - criticizing our readers so much, they never want to come back. You hear that you? You stink!

Instead of Sam, Tony and Luca were the loyal reader who decided to give us a whole bunch of answers - two a piece. But the best out of those four was Tony's slogan, "The ‘Neighs’ Have It!" Not too shabby. But for all four of Tony and Luca's answers, we have to say...nay.

Mama Meg had a good idea with her tagline, "Make Dollars out of Horse Sense," but that seems too much like exploiting the beautiful creatures. And if there's anything we don't do to horses, it's exploit them. Maybe if she had said, "Make Dollars out of Horse Cents," that would have worked, but we've all seen that game already. It's called Horsopoly. And it stinks.

Emily had quite possibly the best answer yet with "The Game for the Horse-Lover in All of Us - Or Some of You Weirdos at Least…Who Loves Horses Anyway? Third Grade Girls?" But that might be a little too hostile for any marketing, especially marketing to the third grade girls.

So it looks like Lorenzo comes in first again, earning himself back to back wins with his slogan, "Are you able in the stable?" That means Lorenzo is 2-2 in Ad Geniuses, which should probably earn him the title of Ad Genius. But it won't.

This Week's Game

So it looks like it's school time again. Yep, it's that time of year again, when schools open up their doors again and kids find themselves back on the yellow buses.

Now we know what you're thinking: "BOOOOOO school!" or "YAAAAY school!" or "I'm kinda indifferent to the subject, but you were eerily correct in saying you know what I was thinking."

So with back-to-school on our minds, we're going to play a round of the PSB Original Game, Bests and Worsts. You know how to play right? It's pretty easy. Here's the topic:

Worst excuse for not turning in your homework.

And here's our answer:

That episode of Top Cat where Al the Actor pretends to be Officer Dibble and steals all the paintings was on and you couldn't resist watching it.

Whatchoo got?

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Did You Know

Did you know that Thursday was originally Thor's Day named after the dude Thor. Thor was like a god but he had a Viking hat and a hammer. And he liked Van Halen. And clearly I'm not using any reference material in coming up with this semi-based-in-fact fact.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


I was singing the other day and someone said, "Hey, nice falsetto," and I couldn't decide whether I should thank him or tell him that that was my natural singing voice.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009


You remember how I said that "Talk to you later" is a silly way to end a conversation?

No? Let me teach you a little something about the internet. When someone writes, "Remember how..." they usually make some word or words in the ... part of the sentence into a hyperlink pointing back to what we should be remembering.

Now do you remember? Good.

Well you know what I think is even sillier than ending a conversation with "Talk to you later"? Ending it with "See you later."

When you say "See you later," you're basically saying, "Look, I'm not sure if we're ever going to talk again. But I can guarantee I will see you. I'll be watching." And that's just a creepy way to end a conversation.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Nod It Up

When I say Hillshire you say Farm. Hillshire! Farm! Game Time!

Last Week's Winner

Last week, we played a new game, an as-yet-unnamed game, about coming up with a slogan for the fictitious product, "Ironic Twist". We had a bunch of answers, and now it's time for us to pick them apart.

Sam for the third straight week gave us lots of answers close to the deadline, and for the third straight week, we at the Pake Shlake Band cannot reward such procrastination. Well for the second straight week at least. Looks like we did let him win for his Lowell inspired headline. But there was no Lowell to save him today - he loses!

Tony, Nick and Joey had some good answers, but instead of giving us the ad slogan, they gave us more of a commercial sometimes with narrator included. So we don't think they should win. But maybe that could be another game. Come up with the best narrator to read the commercial of a fictitious product that you come up with. Kinda long name for a game.

Anyway, that leaves Lorenzo. Lorenzo should be thankful for the Process of Elimination. It made him our winner! (But his answer was good too.) Lorenzo said Ironic Twist is just plain tonic water, and the slogan is "Expecting something else? Why do you think we call it Ironic Twist?" Nice slogan, nice winner, nice process of elimination. Nice dog.

This Week's Game

And now we're going to keep the fun right where it belongs - in the advertising agency. The yet-to-be-named game has now taken upon a name of its own: Ad Geniuses. Or should we say the PSB Original Game Ad Geniuses? It's not a PSB Original until we say PSB Original before it.

We're gonna make it a little easier for you though. This time - and maybe from now on - we'll give you the name of the fictitious product, and we'll also explain what it is. All you have to do is come up with the slogan.

Here's this week's fictitious product:
A Wink and a Nod - a board game targeted at horse lovers

Ooh! Sounds like a fun game. Here's our answer:

A Wink and a Nod: Blind Horse Not Included


Thursday, August 27, 2009

A Wink and a Nod

Do you know the expression, "A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse?" I don't get this expression at all.

1. Why are you winking or nodding at a horse? Is the horse an undercover spy that you are trying to communicate with?

2. If you are riding the horse, why don't you just say "Whoa!"?

3. Why are you riding a blind horse? Even if winking or nodding did anything, he's blind!

Oh, and 4. Don't we shoot horses when they go blind?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


"I'll talk to you later."

Why do people say that? I mean, sure it's true and all, and it seems like a nice way to end a conversation on a positive note, but think about it. What's the alternative?

"I will never speak to you again."

Actually, I kinda like that. From now on, I will assume that I will talk to you later. If we will never speak again, let me know so I can end the conversation accordingly.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


You know how email accounts make you log in with your address and your password? Why should they need both? Can't they do it with just your password?

Well, I guess the problem with that would be that then everyone would have to have different passwords, and what if someone else also wanted "fuzziekittiekats" to be their password? You'd accidentally log in to their email, and they might log in to yours and then you would get confused, and they would get confused, and all hell would break loose.

So, the moral of the story is "fuzziekittiekats" is not a secure password.

Monday, August 24, 2009

American Football

I got a great idea. I'm gonna change all references from the National Football League to the Nerf Football League. It'll still be the NFL so most people won't notice it for a while.

Then once people do notice the change, they'll be all freaked out like, "Oh my gosh, did you know the N stood for Nerf? We've got to do something about this!"

And then they'd start playing with neon colored plushy balls and it would be awesome.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Ironic Twist

Many a tear have to fall (do-do-do-do) but it's all (do-do-do-do) in the Game Time.

Last Week's Winner

We had a double dose of Headliners last week, where you the choice of two articles to create a headline for. One was about the passing of Les Paul, the other was about the passing of third-string quarterback Colt Brennan. Let's review the responses.

Sam was again the midnight responder, submitting two answers. With respect to the Redskins article, he gave the headline: "Ravens to Redskins: Nevermore." It was okay, but we thought it would have been more clever if it has said "Never score," because that rhymes and the Redskins were in fact shut out. His "Les Paul: Guitar Hero" answer was very clever, and probably would have won, except we chastised him last week for his late responses, and we felt we couldn't continue to reward his procrastination. At least not two weeks in a row. So, Sam loses on both counts.

Next, Tony gave the double answer, "Les Paul is dead, so are Redskins playoff hopes." This was good, but we thought it couldn't win, because what newspaper would put those two topics in the same article? the Washington Post hasn't condensed that much. So, Tony loses.

Then who wins? Well, it's Luca, for his response, "Les is No More." Short and sweet. Except, not that sweet since it's making light of someone's death. But, that's fine with us. Good work, Luca!

This Week's Game

For this week's game, we are going to change it up a bit. Earlier in the week, Mike pulled the ol' ironic twist on us, and then mentioned that Ironic Twist is a good product name. So, here is this week's game:

Come up with an advertising slogan for "Ironic Twist."

Now, here is our ironic twist, the product "Ironic Twist" can be anything. That's right, you get to decide what the product is and how to market it. How fun! Here's our answer:

Ironic Twist: Scoop It, Twist It, Trash It. Who's the Master? Ironic.

See? In this case, Ironic Twist was a pooper scooper. Your turn.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Snippety Snippers

So I was at Target the other day, and I spent most of my time walking back and forth between the Small Electric Appliances section and the Health and Beauty section (basically the bathroom stuff). You see, I was looking for an electric toothbrush, and it wasn't with the toothbrushes and it wasn't with the small electric stuff, but that didn't stop me from walking back and forth between the two sections again and again, hoping.

Well between those two sections, in this particular Target, there was the Pet Supplies section. And one of the many times I walked past it, I overheard this conversation:

Boy: Wow look at this pooper scooper! It's called "The POOper Scooper".
Girl: That's so cool.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


You know what I think criminals should try more when they are trying to escape from police? They should dress up like women and flirt with the police officers and trick them into going the wrong direction. I don't know why you don't hear of more criminals escaping that way. It's like these convicts have never watched a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Writer's Block

I'm trying to write a story but I've hit a dead end. If any of you could help me that would be great. Here's what I have so far:

Once upon a time...

And that's all I've got.

Monday, August 17, 2009


It was hot last night and I couldn't get to sleep, so I brought in a fan. It didn't make the room any cooler, but I got some nice encouragement and learned some new cheers.

Get it? I set up the joke to make you think I brought in an electric fan, but really I brought in a cheering, sports fan. It's called ironic twist. That's a good name for a book. Or for a beverage.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Les Paul and the Redskins

Take me out to the Game Time, take me out with the Shlake!

In out last Game Time, we played the PSB Original Game, Little-Known Facts, where you had to provide some knowledge knuggets about Paul McCartney. Let's recap some of the best answers.

Joey Bag of Donuts told us about the song "Yesterday," and while this was interesting, we feel it bordered to much on the truth side, seeing as it was, in fact, true. Nice try, Joey, but we prefer that our little-known facts are not so fact-like. Sorry!

Next DJ and Nick had similar ideas, and combining their answers with our original answer, you get the very little-known fact that Paul McCartney of Liverpool is really the Irish-American Ringo MacCartney from Omaha, Nebraska. Wow, bet you didn't know that! But, since we don't like giving dual awards, they don't win.

Finally, we come to Sam. We had a great struggle with Sam. You see, we like people to respond early, and Sam waited until the last minute. But, we are glad to see people play. And, then he posted more than one answer, but, they were rather enjoyable. So, after much deliberation, we decided he should win, but get a reprimand. So, Sam wins for his fact: "Paul’s band Wings was named after the famous television sitcom about a New England airport." Ah, yes, Lowell would be honored. Nice job, Sam. But, next time, we won't be so generous, so shape up or ship out!

Now, for this week's game. Let's play another round of the PSB Original Game, Headliners. What do you say? Great. This week, we'll do the ol' two-for-one, where we'll give you two stories, and you can give us a headline for either one.

Les Paul, commonly credited with the invention of the electric guitar, died yesterday at the age of 94. He is best known for the guitar that bears his name, but also for muti-track recording which revolutionalized the music industry. He was also a guitarist himself, playing with people from Bing Crosby to Louis Armstrong. His death was caused from complications from pneumonia.

The Washington Redskins played their first pre-season game of the year yesterday, losing to the Baltimore Ravens 23-0. The Redskins offense looked impotent, the defense ineffective, and perhaps the only thing more futile than the Redskins third-down defense was the Ravens red-zone offense, as Baltimore twice marched down the field only to settle for field goals. The starters from both teams were removed by the second quarter, rendering the rest of the game a glorified try-out for the last few roster spots, for which no Redskin made a serious claim. Third-string quarterback Colt Brennan, vying to become second-string quarterback, did not help his cause, completing only a third of his passes and throwing the only interception of the game.

Here's our headline:
Redskins Lose Big; Pake Shlake Band Writes Scathing Recap

OK, now it's your turn. Give us a headline to either of those recaps, and see if it's your answer running in the papers next week. And by "running in the papers," we mean shouted-out on Post your headlines!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

A Proper Ending

Whenever a TV show gets canceled without a proper series finale, I take it upon myself to make one up. For example, Gargamel ate all the freaking smurfs.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Talking Clocks

I woke up today and the clock said 7:25. I was a little confused since clocks can't talk. And that's when I realized I was dreaming.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Mr. Arm & Hammer

I like to imagine that Mr. Clean is the dude holding the hammer in the Arm & Hammer logo. Of course, then I get scared by the thought of Mr. Clean wielding a hammer.

Monday, August 10, 2009


Hello. As you may have noticed, my post today looks suspiciously like my post from Thursday. Allow me to explain. I was thinking about my Thursday post, and I thought that I kind of messed up the joke, and it was bothering me all weekend. So, I decided to try again today. You what they say, "If at first you don't succeed try, try again."

Or perhaps in this case, "If at first you butcher a joke, butcher, butcher again, until you bloodied the joke so badly that even it if it would have been humorist, your repeated attempts to fix it have rendered it totally unfunny." Either way, I think I did what the expression dictated.

Mythological Pets

If I had a dog, I would name him Rex. If I had a blind dog, I would name him Oedipus Rex.

And if I had a cat with the head of a man, I would name her Sphinx.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Can't Buy Me Little-Known Facts

It's Friday, and that can only mean one thing. That's right, folks, it's Game Time!

Last week we played a game where we gave you a punchline to a joke, and you had to supply the set-up. The punchline, if you recall, was: "Because Dracula can't flip pancakes!" Let's take a look at some of the jokes that you created.

Luca asked this question, "Why does Frankenstein always have to make breakfast?" with the punchline being as above. We thought that was funny. But, it does not win.

Tony supplied us with a dialog joke, which we at the Pake Shlake Band are rather fond of, and we are always looking for funny and creative answers to our games. Tony's answer was indeed creative. Unfortunately, it was not too funny. So he doesn't win.

The winner is Mama Meg! We actually struggled a lot with this, since she sort of changed the punchline around. So we are going to fix her answer and give it to you right now!

Mike: When Dracula applied for a job at the local diner, why did he request the night shift?
Johnny: I don't know, why?
Mike: Because Dracula can’t flip pancakes!
Johnny: Oh. I thought it was because he’s a vampire, and he will die if he sees the sun.
Mike: Well, I guess that's another reason.
Johnny: Yeah, but if he works at a diner, don't they make breakfast all day long? I mean, he might still have to flip pancakes.
Mike: Oh, that's a good point. Maybe they have two cooks per shift.
Johnny: Maybe, but you don't need two cooks for 3 AM, do you?
Mike: Yeah, probably not. I don't think he's gonna get hired then.
Johnny: Yeah, and being a vampire also probably makes it harder to get a job.
Mike: He could probably be a waiter though.
Johnny: I guess.

Wow, that's a really funny one Mama Meg! Nicely done! Now, we turn our attention to this week's game.

For those of you who don't know, Paul McCartney has recently been on tour, and last Saturday he performed at FedEx Field, here is Washington, DC. (OK, technically it's Landover, Maryland, not Washington, DC, but you get the idea.) So, for this week's Game Time, we thought we would honor Sir Paul with an edition of the PSB Original Game, Little-Known Facts.

Give a little-known fact about Paul McCartney.

This is what we recently "found out" about Paul:

Paul McCartney was actually born in Omaha, Nebraska. His Liverpool accent is fake.

Wow, did you know that? Neither did we. Now it's your turn to come up with your own little-known fact. Good luck!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Mythological Pets

If I had a blind dog, I would name him Oedipus Rex.

And if I had a cat with the head of a man, I would name her Sphinx.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Magic Doors

If I'm ever being chased by a person from like hundreds of years ago, I'm so running into an office building and taking an elevator. That dude would be so confused about where I went. He'd be like, "Where did he go? I followed him into this room, and he must have gone into one of those doors. But I cannot open them." And then when the elevator comes back then he'd be really confused. "Now the door has magically opened and there is no one inside. What dark magic is this?".

Oh, and he's probably a little confused about being transported through time too.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Hot Enough For Ya?

I get really annoyed when people say, "Hot enough for ya?" on a hot day. What does that question even mean? Am I supposed to respond? "No, make it hotter?" or maybe "Oh, yes, too hot for me, but you must be super cool since you can scoff at the temperature." I prefer, "Dude, you're a big fat idiot."

Monday, August 3, 2009

Obsolete Clocks

Does anybody know why we still have analog clocks? My only guess is so when you ask "What has two hands and a face but no arms and legs?" you don't have to answer "A monster!!"

Friday, July 31, 2009


G to the izzame T to the izzime.

When we last left our Game Time, we were playing the PSB Original Game, Headliners. In particular, we asked you to give us a headline about the historic moon landing. Let's review, shall we?

Big A said "Man Walks on Moon: Young Michael Jackson Gets an Idea." We give props for trying to tie in previous games, but we do not give him the win.

Luca headline "Um...Now What?" brought up an interesting point: Why did we go to the moon in the first place? Just because it's cool? Well, i guess it was worth the billions of dollars.

But the winner: Tony for his response of "TAKE THAT COMMYS!" Yes, what better to celebrate an American achievement than sticking it to the Soviets. Indeed, "TAKE THAT COMMYS!" should be a headline for almost anything. Send a message to the godless Communists. Good work, Tony!

A few months ago, about ten months ago in fact, we played a game where we gave you a punchline, and you had to think of the set-up line. We thought this week we would play that game again. Here's the punchline, for which you have to think of the question that leads up to it:

Because Dracula can't flip pancakes!

So, all you have to do is give us a question to which that is the answer. Understand? Here's how ours goes:

Why is a spatula better than Dracula?
Because Dracula can't flip pancakes!

Now, it's your turn. Good luck!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Don't Work With Your Food

I was thinking about having edible paper and using something like chocolate to write with. Then I realized that was a pretty bad idea. Oh, and Willy Wonka's crazy.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


I like using the word "psychological" in the right context. I will give you an example.


Someone comes up to me and tells me that he got mad at his roommate for playing music too loud, so when the roommate left, he threw his iPod out the window and burned all of his roommate's CD's.

Me: Wow, that's psychological.
Dude: You mean like now I'm in his head and he'll think twice before blaring his music?
Me: No, I mean you're a psycho, and you did the logical thing. For a psycho.
Me: Would you like me to give you my iPod so you can destroy it?

I think I use expressions improperly.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


I wonder what would happen if you left a can of mixed nuts outside in the forest. I bet there'd be one confused squirrel that would think he won the lottery. But then he'd realize that he didn't buy a ticket this week, and even if he had, there's no way the woodland gaming committee would know where to find him because he'd just moved to a new tree. And then he'd get confused and think that he had died and gone to squirrel heaven, but that wouldn't make sense because where is Uncle Wilbur? And then another, less-thoughtful squirrel would come by and eat the nuts.

Monday, July 27, 2009

The Eye of a Needle

You know how when little kids make a promise, sometimes they say, "Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye." I was always a little put off by the sticking needles in eye part. I mean, isn't the needle a bit superfluous after death?

Friday, July 24, 2009

Moon Walk

Monday, you can fall apart. Tuesday, Wednesday, break my heart. Thursday doesn't even start. It's Friday, I'm in love. With Game Time!

Howdy, folks, and welcome to another edition of Game Time. Before we jump into this week's game, let's reminisce about last week. We played the PSB Original Game, Bests and Worsts, where we asked for the best new show for Animal Planet. We thought all the answers were particularly good this week, so we will shout out a top three.

Coming in at third is Mamma Meg, for her series on ruling animals throughout history, "Reigning Cats and Dogs." Perhaps the show will have an episode or two dedicated to Presidential pooches.

Big A is our runner-up. His show, "Kudos to Kudus" is sure to be a success among the antelope lovers out there.

Finally, the winner is Tony, for his response, "When Pigs Fly," a show about training pigs to become aviators. If that is a success, maybe there will be a spin-off called "Hog Heaven," which follows around the porcine pilots on their flight routes.

Well, done, everyone. That was a fun game, wasn't it! Now, onto this week. For those of you who don't know, Monday was the 40th anniversary of our lunar landing, when man first walked on the moon, and 40 years ago today the Apollo 11 crew returned to Earth, splashing down in the Pacific Ocean. To commemorate these events, we will play the PSB Original Game, Headliners.

The Apollo 11 mission blasted off on July 16th, 1969, with the goal of becoming the first manned-mission to land on the moon. On July 20th, 1969 at 8:17 PM GMT, the "Eagle," as the lunar module was called, landed in the Sea of Tranquility on the moon's surface. Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, uttering the words, "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." Buzz Aldrin soon followed on the moon's surface. While there, the two collected rock specimens, took photographs, and left an American flag. A third astronaut, Michael Collins, remained in orbit. An estimated 500 million people watched the event on television.

Your job? Write a headline to this article. But, to spice it up, pretend that this article was going to run in 1969. Here is ours:

Man Walks on Moon; World Disappointed to Find It's Not Made of Cheese.

Your turn. Post your headline commemorating this great event in human history. If it really did happen and isn't just one giant conspiracy.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Wet Sock

I was walking in the rain this morning and my socks got wet, and so I thought to myself, "There is nothing more uncomfortable than getting your socks wet." I didn't have to be anywhere for an hour, so I decided to take off the uncomfortable wet socks to let them dry for a while.

Well, the hour passed. It was then that I realized there is something more uncomfortable than getting your socks wet: Putting the same wet socks back on.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


When I play "Red Light, Green Light" I always include a yellow light for more lifelike accuracy.

Maybe that's why no one plays with me.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Red Red Whine

I was listening to "Red Red Wine" by UB-40 on the radio today, and they cut out the reggae rap section! You know, the "Red red wine you make me feel so fine, You keep me rocking all of the time" part! I was infuriated! That's the best part of the song! That's like playing Paul McCartney's "Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey" and cutting out the Admiral Halsey part. Or playing "Are You Lonesome Tonight" and cutting out Elvis' long drawn-out metaphor about the world being a stage. Okay, so it's not really like the second one. But it is like the first one. And it is an outrage.

Speaking of outrages, did you know that the song "Red Red Wine" was originally by Neil Diamond? That sort of takes away the coolness factor of that song, huh? What's that? Who's Neil Diamond? He's the guy who sings "Sweet Caroline."

Monday, July 20, 2009

One Small Flight

40 years ago, we sent a man to the moon. Then we realized Bermuda had nicer weather and was much closer.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Name That Show

Did we forget to post a Game Time on Friday? Nope!

Hello again, and welcome to another Friday edition of Game Time. In our last edition, we played the PSB Original Game, Bests and Worsts, and we asked for the worst first dance for a newly married couple. Let's look over the answers.

DJ gave two answers, "If You Wanna Be Happy," the song that advises you to marry an ugly woman, and "Evil Woman" which is self-explanatory. Both good answers, but unfortunately he is disqualified for posting two answers in the same comment. Sorry, DJ, if you wanna play more than once do it the old-fashioned way, make up fake names. For example, if you had posted as Jimmy Soul, you might have had a better chance of winning. Or rather, Jimmy Soul would have had a better chance of winning. Next!

Max suggested "Gold Digger" by Kanye West. He is also disqualified, since he didn't actually give the title of the song he just implied it. Yer out!

Tony submitted "Sugar Shack", using the following argument. We are looking for the worst song for a specific occasion. "Sugar Shack" is the worst song ever. Therefore, it must be the worst song to play at a wedding. Interesting syllogism, but Tony does not win. So who does?

Luca! His answer was "Lola" by the Kinks, and since Luca and Lola have the same number of letters, we thought it was destiny. Well done!

Now, what should we play this week? Ooh, how about another round of Bests and Worsts? Great! Earlier in the week, Mike talked about his new Animal Planet show, "Focus on the Locusts" about cicadas. That spurred us to this game:

Best new show for Animal Planet.

After some thought, we decided we would have a show called "King of the Forest." We don't know what it would be about really, since lions - while called kings of the forest - actually live on the African savanna and not in the forest. Maybe the show would be about deer.

Anyway, your turn. Try to come up with a better show. This time it shouldn't be too hard. And don't forget to post it in the comments, unless you are afraid of Animal Planet ripping you off and not giving you any of the proceeds.