Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Counting to Ten

You know how when you are angry, people sometimes say you should count to ten? I think this is a good idea, except I say you should count down from ten and do it out loud. Try this next time you are having a fight with someone. Hopefully, it will help to keep you from yelling angrily at the other person.

But if it doesn't, it will look really cool if you count down and then start screaming. It would be like a countdown to a beat down.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Dead Man Moonwalking

Michael Jackson's death sure has made my car rides more entertaining. I'm already looking forward to when Paul McCartney dies. But I've got to be careful because if that happens too soon, we may be stuck with non-stop "The Girl Is Mine" and "Say Say Say."

Friday, June 26, 2009

Jacko Factos

Hello again. And welcome to another edition of Game Time, everyone's favorite Friday distraction. Last week was the PSB Original Game, Headliners, where you had to come up with a clever headline to an article about the Nationals beating the Yankees. How about a quick recap?

Tony's response was perhaps the most concise and accurate: "Nats Beat Yanks, Still stink!" Very true, but perhaps a little too harsh. The Washington Post would never be so negative about a local team, the writers are too delusional.

Next, DJ said, "Yankees a National Embarrassment." That would be a winner for the New York Post, but since we are Nationals fans and not Yankee fans, DJ loses. Sorry!

That means that the winner for this week is Elizabeth. Her headline was "The Nationals consider officially renaming themselves the Notionals in hopes for winning some games." This came across as a believable headline, since it's something totally ridiculous to try to change the team's fate as opposed to, say, firing the coach! But, we digress. Congrats Elizabeth!

Now, this week's Game Time. For those of you who don't know, Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, has passed away at the age of 50. This is sad news.

But, we at the Pake Shlake Band pride ourselves on turning frowns upside down. We are frown flippers of the first order. So, this week's Game Time will be about Michael Jackson. And, we will play the PSB Original Game, Little-Known Facts. This is an easy game to play, but allow us to refresh your memories as to the rules. We give you a topic, and your goal is to come up with a humorous, if perhaps untrue, fact about that topic. If you want to get a sense of the game, check out the past few times we've played. OK, here is the topic.

Come up with a little-known fact about Michael Jackson.

Here's what we came up with:

In the song "You Wanna Be Starting Something," the refrain "Mama say mama sa mama musa" is actually an Urdu expression, which roughly translates to, "Biggy Diggy Sniggy Donkey!"

See how easy it is? Now, we know Jacko is a controversial figure, so you may be tempted to put in a response about some of his more questionable hobbies. Please remember this is a family site. In other words, no references to "Ben." Thanks, have fun, and post your facts.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Six Flags

So everybody know that Six Flags filed for bankruptcy recently? Well, they did. And I can't seem to figure out why.

I guess it could be because they give away free park admission with a can of Coke.

That or the fact that they still use the Vengaboys in their commercials.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

A Penny for My Thoughts?

You know what expression I find very condescending? "Penny for your thoughts." Dude, why are you a jerk?

1. You think I am such an egotistical fool that I would charge for my thoughts, or even take donations?

2. If I were really charging for my thoughts, don't you think I would value them a bit higher than the lowest denomination of American currency?

And 3. Are my thoughts of such little value to you that you would offer me such a negligible amount in exchange?

No my friend, now you don't get to know my thoughts. Except for this one: You stink.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Yesterday, Mike posted about mice, lice, and hice. I think I need to correct him on something.

The singular of "lice" is not "louse". It's just gross.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Mice, Lice, Hice

Since the plural of "mouse" is "mice," and the plural of "louse" is "lice," I'm going to start calling more than one house "hice". Here's an example:

Johnny: Hey, Mike, where are you going?
Mike: I'm going back to my house. Where are you going?
Johnny: I'm going to look at some houses. They are supposed to have nice Christmas decorations.
Mike: Oh cool. Why are their Christmas decorations still up? It's June.
Johnny: The decorations aren't up anymore. I just want to look at the houses that will have nice Christmas decorations come wintertime.
Mike: That's odd. Well, have fun looking at the houses. I mean the hice.
Johnny: What?
Mike: The hice!
Johnny: Weirdo.

Notice Johnny used the archaic word "houses" because he is not up on the lingo.

Friday, June 19, 2009

America's Pasttime

Hoy es viernes, pues hoy es Game Time. EspaƱol, ever heard of it?

Last week, we had a game about Gumball Machines, and you were asked to improve upon the already wonderful concept. Here were some of your answers:

Tony said he wanted some hand sanitizers because gum ball machines are gross. We say poppycock. We also say nincompoop. Sometimes we say nanny-nanny-boo-boo.

Mitch Hedberg wanted a gumball machine that spits out smaller gumball machines. That would be awesome. But Mitch Hedberg is dead. So he can't win.

Then we had a good idea from DJ. He wanted to be able to choose your own color (and hence flavor) because you never want to get a gross purple one. Eew.

But the winner goes to Lorenzo with his answer: "Something that makes it taste like Bubble-yum and not gross stale gum." It was a close call, but if all the gum tastes like Bubble-yum, who cares what color it is. Not us. So congrats Lorenzo for winning last week's competition.

And now on to this week's game. Since we at the Pake Shlake Band are Washingtonians at heart and in reality, we have decided to play a round of the PSB Original Game, Headliners. Here's the news summary:

The Washington Nationals beat the New York Yankees 3-0 at Yankee Stadium to win the season series. Rookie pitcher Craig Stammen got his first Major League win for a team struggling to avoid becoming the worst team in the history of baseball. The Nats currently sit in last place in the majors but were able to win the series against the most successful American sports team in history. Third baseman Alex Rodriguez went 0-4 in the game to go hitless during the three game series, while National's counterpart Ryan Zimmerman was 3-5 in the win. The game was delayed over five hours due to torrential rains in New York. Coming into the series, the Yankees were 23-0 when allowing 3 or fewer runs. Washington ruined New York's perfect record, winning 3-2 on Wednesday and 3-0 yesterday.

As always, your job is to think of a funny/clever headline. Here's ours:

Delay Makes Pitcher show his Stammen-a

You're up. Let's see if you can hit a homerun with your headline. Or at least put an end to all the baseball analogies.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Apple Jacks

You remember those commercials for Apple Jacks where the adults ask why the kids eat Apple Jacks if they don't taste like apples?

Um, 1. I'm not the one who goes grocery shopping, so don't pin that on me. 2. Am I only allowed to eat foods if their taste is described in their name? And 3. Have you adults ever tried Rice Krispies?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Making a Prophet

I feel like being a prophet. I'm gonna give it a go:

The donkey flies at night.

I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Monday, June 15, 2009

How Do I Spell Relief?

I recently learned that Rolaids and Altoids do not serve the same purpose. And let's just say I didn't think Altoids treated heartburn.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Gumball Machines 2.0

What day is it? Game Time!

(That doesn't even make sense.)

So last week, we played another round of the PSB Original Game, Say What?, and you had to give a caption for the picture of Johnny in his flame-thrower hat. The answers came in, but there can be only one winner. Let's see who it was.

Mama Meg suggested, "Someone left the Shlake out in the rain" which is applaudable, but not winnable.

Tony suggested, "In the olden days, before Thomas Edison, this is what ideas looked like" which is winnable but not applaudable.

Today, it looks like we're looking for both winnable and applaudable, so the winning caption goes to...

...DJ and his "Johnny! You burned my sombrero!!" for referencing back to the inaugurual Say What? game on Cinco de Mayo.

Congratulations to DJ, and anti-congratulations to everyone else. Look! What's that over in the next paragraph?

Oh it's this week's game. We're gonna swing it back and play a round of the PSB Original Game Bests and Worsts.

The other day, Mike talked about the wonderfulness that is the gumball machine. Here's today's question:

Best new feature someone could add to gumball machines.

Here's our answer: Some sort of bio-identity scanner that would give us FREE gumballs instead of having to add nickels or quarters or Pocahontas dollars.

What do you think? Commentify.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Medicine Cabinet

Ever confuse Neosporin with travel-sized Arm & Hammer tooth paste?

Don't. They serve very different purposes.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Royal Flush

I just realized that port-a-potties are really just modern-day outhouses without the moon on the door. But with clever names, like Jiffy John.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I can hear the ocean roar

So you know how if you're blue, you're really sad, and if you're green, you're really jealous? I guess the ocean is one miserable expansive body of water.

Monday, June 8, 2009


You know the worst part about gumball machines? Nothing. Gumball machines are awesome!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Say Wet?

Well well well, what have we here? GAME TIME!

Last week we got so excited over the Spelling Bee that we decided to have three, yes THREE, games dedicated to the linguistical challenge. We're not gonna go over every answer, so here are the highlights:

In our game of Headliners, we liked big A's "Kavya and Champagne to the Winer" but you can't have a misspelled word in a headline about a spelling bee, can you?

Tony's "All Children Left Behind - By Shivashankar" would be a great name for Kavya's autobiography, but not so great for a headline. (It probably wouldn't be a great name for an autobiography either, but we're just being nice.) (Well, we were being nice until we changed our minds in the first set of parentheses).

So the winner for the Spelling Headliners goes to ... Max! "Chand Is Loser, It’s Official" would be a perfect headline. It doesn't mention who won the Bee, and it manages to pick on a kid who will probably hear a lot of that for the rest of his life.

In the round of Bests and Worsts, we asked for the worst word to misspell in the Bee. We got "b", "unpreparedness", "misspelling", "champion", and "home-schooling," but the winner goes to "moron". That would be a tough way to lose on national television. So congrats to Tony for winning that one after coming close in Autobiography Titlers.

Finally, we played a round of Little Known Facts. Those answers tend to be longer than a single word, so check out the comments on your own since they are all pretty funny. We epecially liked Bee-yourslef's answer because we find it amusing when people don't exactly understand our games.

Anyway, the winner of that game goes to DJ for his answer regarding shivalry and Zeb Roid's sister.

And now on to this week!

It's time for another round of the once played PSB Original Game, "Say What?" Well, it's not too original, but all you got to do is come up with a clever caption for the picture and post it in the comments. Here's the picture:

(Remember it from yesterday's post about umbrellas?)

And here's our caption:
I feel like Eeyore. And you're like Tigger if Tigger ever had a flamethrower on his head.

Wanna play? Post your answer in the comments.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Under My Flamethrower

I don't like umbrellas. They're big and awkward, they're annoying to carry around, they don't really keep you very dry in the first place, and they make you look like a big doofus when you're using them. But still, I'm not a big fan of getting wet, so we do need something to keep us dry when it starts to rain. Hmm...

What we need is big plastic spheres that we could walk inside, kind of like giant hamster exercise balls. And by that I mean hamster exercise balls that are giant sized not exercise balls for giant hamsters. (I've never met a giant hamster, but if I ever do, I'd be too frightened to tell him to exercise.)

But no, that wouldn't work. It would keep us dry, which was the most important thing, but you would still look a little bit like a doofus. And since you'd only be using this thing when it's raining, the ground would probably be very slippery, something not too conducive to moving inside giant plastic spheres. Imagine if you had to travel uphill. Or downhill for that matter.

No, exercise balls are not the way to go. What we really need is flamethrowers. If we rig a flamethrower to the top of our heads, then whenever it rains, we turn the suckers on, and the rain gets evaporated before it nears our flesh. Now, we stay dry, we don't have to carry something large and cumbersome, and best of all, we don't look like big doofuses.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Confusion by the Dashboard Lights

I was driving recently and my engine light came on. I found this a little odd since I had just had a tune-up, so I looked in the car manual. It said sometimes the engine light comes on if your gas cap isn't on properly. That's interesting. I mean, I guess it's good of them to conserve symbols, but now I'll wonder the next time my seatbelt light comes on if it might really mean I need an oil change.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Useless Information

Why do we all know what to do if we ever encounter a bear?

Think about the things we are taught as children.

"Wash your hands before you eat."
"Look both ways before crossing the street."
"Play dead when you're being attacked by a bear."

All of these are good pieces of advice (unless it's a one-way street and then you just look silly), but some are more relevant than others.

I'm never gonna meet a bear, and if I do, I'm probably already in big trouble. That's just useless information taking up space in my mind.

Why do I need to know what to do if a bear attacks? I don't know what I would do if I won the lottery, and that's much more likely. From now on, I will spend my time thinking about how to spend my winnings instead.