Thursday, June 4, 2009

Under My Flamethrower

I don't like umbrellas. They're big and awkward, they're annoying to carry around, they don't really keep you very dry in the first place, and they make you look like a big doofus when you're using them. But still, I'm not a big fan of getting wet, so we do need something to keep us dry when it starts to rain. Hmm...

What we need is big plastic spheres that we could walk inside, kind of like giant hamster exercise balls. And by that I mean hamster exercise balls that are giant sized not exercise balls for giant hamsters. (I've never met a giant hamster, but if I ever do, I'd be too frightened to tell him to exercise.)

But no, that wouldn't work. It would keep us dry, which was the most important thing, but you would still look a little bit like a doofus. And since you'd only be using this thing when it's raining, the ground would probably be very slippery, something not too conducive to moving inside giant plastic spheres. Imagine if you had to travel uphill. Or downhill for that matter.

No, exercise balls are not the way to go. What we really need is flamethrowers. If we rig a flamethrower to the top of our heads, then whenever it rains, we turn the suckers on, and the rain gets evaporated before it nears our flesh. Now, we stay dry, we don't have to carry something large and cumbersome, and best of all, we don't look like big doofuses.

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